G'Day From Downunder

I have been jumping on and off aeroplanes for the last month and unlike in days past when the passenger next to you would introduce him or herself to you, now there is only a wall of silence.

The telltale that says "do not intrude" is a pair or wires hanging out of the ears of the other passenger.

Then the laptop appears to let the world around know that they are too busy to talk to anyone.

If you happen to be trying to take your seat that happens to be by the window be prepared for the devil stare that says "how dare you be late on this flight and interrupt me".

Mind you in this situation, no words are spoken unlike in days gone by, when there was a smile, and a sorry can I help you.

What in the world are we coming to when people can't smile or say hallo to each other?

It is the same when I travel on the trains, these days I am surrounded by IPods, MiPads, and every device under the sun that stops people communicating in person.

When I interviewed that wonderful Irish actor Niall Toibin for this paper some years ago, he voiced his concern about exactly what I am talking about here - the lack of personal contact and eyeballing one another.

Niall told me that day, that his life and art was all about being able to communicate with people.

When I met with Niall at the Clontarf Court Hotel in Dublin for that interview the first thing he said to me was, "when you phone me in future Mike, please don't leave a long message on my answering machine, because when we catch up you won't have anything to tell me and I would sooner hear it from you rather than listen to my machine for the story".

He went on to tell me answering machines were a blight on society because they made people lazy, no need to talk just leave a message, "how sad" he said.

This era sees children spending far too many hours behind computer screens with iPods stuck in their ears and tuned into another world while ignoring the one they are in at the time.

The art of conversation will be gone if they continue down the pathway they are on.

Look at what is happening with the messaging in texting, 'c u later', 'ho ar u' and so on.

It will not be long before we lose the art of spelling and writing if we continue to go down this road either.

If texting and all of the other forms of communications are to continue, without the spoken word how will we communicate with God?

Does anyone know if he has an iPhone or MiPad? If he doesn't, how do we get one to him.

Maybe when Aunt Mable kicks the bucket she can take some with her.

Hold on a minute I might just have stumbled on to something here.

Why not give Aunt Mable a couple of dozen of the new fangley dangley iPhones and iPads then we should be able to communicate with those who went before us and that would put a nail in the coffin of all those shonky psychics.

How refreshing would that be to be able to talk to all those who went before us?

Just imaging getting on the I phone and texting your great great grandfather 'Ho ar U G pa'.

Oh, I forgot to mention he may not understand text lingo so you would have to revert to the old conversation style of, "how are you doing great, great Granddad did the mother-in-law call in to see you last week?"

Now I'm not sure of the answer you might get but I'd be very surprised if the reply was yes she did great, great grandson.

I have always wanted to know why Napoleon had his hand stuck in his jacket; I have heard a rumour that he was holding his you know what, but I would like to know from himself and a quick call on an iPhone to him would solve my curiosity.

I would also like to have a quite word with JC as to when he might be expecting to see me knocking on his door.

If I had an answer to that, it would solve a lot of my worries; I could then apply for a new American Express card to spend on a going away party for friends and relatives. I think I would want to throw as big a party as American Express could afford.

They could send the bill to me when I'm in heaven and if I didn't pay it, well they could talk to me on the new communications systems that Aunt Mable brought with her.

You know what, I wouldn't have them hanging on the line for hours telling them that I know their call is important to me.

No sir I would be straight on to it telling them that, the payment is in the system and a cheque will be in the post in due course. How's that for efficiency?

Of course, I do understand that this new communications with the beyond may not suit some people such as those who may have a story that may be better untold.

I can see where there might be problems also such as a disgruntled wife, one who would like to hound the grumpy old husband beyond the grave.

Or a situation where a husband had been telling a faithful wife for thirty years plus that she and she alone was the apple of his eye and then after his passing the faithful wife found he was picking more than a few apples off some other trees; I'm sure the apple picker would not want to take a call from the faithful wife in those circumstances.

No point in him telling her that he didn't want the other apples to go stale, don't think that answer would wash to well with the faithful wife. Try telling that story in reverse.

The major problem I see with the road that communications is going down is, by the time my time comes to depart this world I will have to get a coffin the size of Wembley Stadium to bring all my electronics with me.

I have two iPhones, two iPads, two computers, a full telephone system at home and office and if I have to take all that with me I might as well take my five electric and two acoustic guitars along with my piano and all the other musical instruments I have just to keep me out of trouble.

I should mention I am assuming that there will be a good signal in the beyond and I do hope my assumptions are right.

If there is a awful reception or, even worse if there is no reception, I have spent a lot of time talking about nothing that is relevant to either of us and I just may as well have spent my time getting a sun tan on my porch on this lovely day Downunder.

However by the time my time comes to knock on JC's door there will probably be an Apple store in the beyond.

Until I text or talk to you again soon be good to those who love you and Slainte from Downunder.

You can catch me on mbowen@afsvic.com.au