Bill Bailey: Telling It As It Is
The most sensational story to emerge in the European music media last week came courtesy of a startling allegation made in a recently published BBC investigation, which sought to discover the final destination of funds raised in the 1980s, by Live Aid, and associated charitable musical endeavors. Upon hearing whispers regarding misappropriation of millions of dollars, earmarked for fighting hunger during the crushing Ethiopian famine of 1985, reporter Martin Praut spent the past several years investigating whether the donations raised by Bob Geldof and his celebrity friends, actually made it to the starving people in the troubled east African nation. His enquiries brought him in contact with a former rebel commander, Aregawi Berhe, whose troops, under rebel leader Meles Zinawi, were in the midst of a bitter 17-year civil war against government forces, at the time the aid was being funneled into the country. Berhe maintains that he and his cohorts posed as merchants to charity workers, in order to get their hands on the funds, claiming: "We were using aid money to buy arms through secondary means. In 1985, when Tigray (region of Ethiopia worst affected) was hit by the terrible famine, aid money was flowing. I remember Meles Zenawi suggesting that 50 per cent of that money should go to TPLF (Tigray People's Liberation Front) activities, 45 per cent should go to MLLT (Marxist-Leninist League of Tigray) organizing and 5 per cent to support the victims." If true, the findings are quite staggering, given that the funds constituted in excess of $100 million. Although he initially refused to talk to Praut while he was researching the story, Geldof came out swinging at the conclusions drawn, saying: "We are talking about a disgruntled, exiled general. The essence of the report also is not just about Live Aid. It's that all monies going into Tigray - that would be Oxfam, Save the Children, UNICEF and Christian Aid - somehow, we were all duped and gulled. And that's simply not the case. It just didn't happen." We are also talking about Meles Zinawi, who is currently president of Ethiopia...
It appears that the guns have fallen silent - figuratively speaking of course - in the feud between Lily Allen and Courtney Love, but not before both women managed to squeeze off a few more frantic salvos, as is usually the case before peace breaks out. As we reported last week, the two feisty female singers had lambasted each other publicly, after engaging in a furious argument backstage at the recent NME Awards. The tension was ratcheted up still more in the past seven days as both women posted unflattering photos of each other online, and used their Twitter accounts to equally derisive effect. Despite Allen apologizing and admitting that posting an uncomplimentary photo Love was "mean", the Hole singer roared back, blogging: "Your really a brat (sic), is there anyone who you haven't started a meaningless strop with? The night you did all the blow on earth... the night you home invaded me did all the blow I've ever seen in my home wouldn't leave and blamed ME for yr s*** show? thighs? (sic)" Allen has since attempted to diffuse the situation, taking to her Twitter account once again to declare: "Don't want to drag this thing out but, for the record I thought Courtney Love was attacking me, hence my response. In retrospect, having read her twitter updates and found them quite hard to decipher, I think she is in trouble and in need of help.... I hope she has people looking out for her." I've read that a couple of times and I still can't decide whether it is an apology or an insult, but Allen would probably do well to walk away from this one because Courtney Love is Norman Bates nuts and a cat fight between these two would be like throwing a tabby in against a tiger...
Speaking of feuds, the simmering tension between Sharon Osbourne and Kylie's sister Danni Minogue, appears to have come to the boil again, after the former used a recent interview with the Guardian newspaper to show that there remains no love lost between the two women. Osbourne and Minogue frequently clashed on camera, and off, in their capacity as judges on the UK version of American Idol, until Ozzy's mouthy wife decided to call it quits in 2008. The two women had ostensibly buried the hatchet in the recent times, but during the course of her interview with the Guardian, Osbourne claimed: "(Dannii) wasn't so much a dim bulb as a bulb in a power cut. F***ing useless." Kelly Osbourne leaped to her mother's defense last week, by the seemingly obligatory means of Twitter, writing: "My mum never said that comment about Danni. She does not talk about light bulbs and fuses those words are not in my mums vocabulary! (sic). What is wrong with people first I was miss quoted now someone completely made up that Dannii quote (sic). The press can get away with murder! My mum is worst then (sic) me, she says enough print worthy comments that THEY DONT NEED TO MAKE UP STUPID QUOTES ABOUT DANNII! It 10000000% (sic) never came out of my mother's mouth. She is a mother in her 50's (no offence mum you look 30) she is not in HIGH SCHOOL, she works her a** off and does not deserve this!" Okay, let's do a quick take on which party is more believable. On one side, we have one of the most respected newspapers in the entire world, renowned for its attention to detail and towering integrity. On the other, we have a woman with a tongue like a sewer, who once sent boxes filled with her children's excrement to journalists that gave her husband's music bad reviews. Not even the dumbest party member in Orwell's Nineteen-Eighty-Four would believe the kind of revisionism espoused by young Kelly...
Liam Gallagher was flapping his mouth once again last week, something of a regular occurrence since the break-up of Oasis this past October. Speaking in an interview with Esquire magazine, the loudest Gallagher brother ranted: "I really despise this new f***ing disease of indie f***ing s***, f***ing student music, the likes of Bloc Party and all that f***ing nonsense. They don''t keep me awake at night, but it's just s***e, and they can f***ing have it mate." Let me get this straight, because I must be living in some alternate universe. To the best of my recollection, for better or worse, Liam Gallagher helped define the genre known as indie during the course of the past decade or more, yet now he professes to hate it. Ergo, by extending his logic, Liam Gallagher hates himself. If he keeps mouthing off in such an obnoxious manner, I would imagine it won't be long before the rest of humanity hates him too. This fella is increasingly like someone that you thought was cool, until you actually got to know them and then realized that they are a complete tosser. Liam Gallagher saying he hates indie music is like Neil Armstrong saying he thinks all astronauts are idiots, and I've gone from lamenting Oasis' demise to wondering how in the name of Hunter S. Thompson his brother Noel put up with his mess for so long...
Staying on the subject of ornery indie icons, Paul Weller fans will be glad to know that the Modfather has no intentions of ever hanging up his guitar, as he loves music as much now as he did when he first started out, and intends to continue writing songs until the day that he forgets to wake up. Speaking to New Music Express last week, Weller confessed: "There are a lot of people my age who aren't fans any more, a lot of musicians who get to their 30s and just stop listening to music and that's f***ing weird to me. I can't imagine my life without it." All very laudable, and particularly admirable was the way in which he inferred that he is in his 30s, when he is in fact 51-years-old. If he ever suffers from songwriters block, I'm sure such creativity when it comes to numbers would ensure that he could get a job with Jeff Skilling, whenever he gets out of clink-clink...
Pete Townshend also reckons that he has added several years to his career, after being introduced to new state-of-the-art in-ear monitors, which will combat his increasing deafness. The Who guitarist claims that he was introduced to the technological marvels by a member of Neil Young's entourage. Maybe now that he can hear again, he'll realize just how ridiculous his excuse sounded that time he was caught with all those child porn images on his computer...
I read last week where Irish boybands (can you even call men in their mid-30s boybands?) Boyzone and Westlife are talking about making a record together and for some reason my mind was immediately consumed with images from the old Batman movie, where all of the villains united to create one supremely awful, unholy alliance. Speaking of the pairing up, Boyzone's Shane Lynch announced: "American artists like Jay-Z and Rihanna stick together and I think we should be more like that, too." I was going to say that comparing themselves to actual talented artists is a bit like comparing apples and oranges but even that analogy is inappropriate. It's more like comparing apples to carpet, or apples to spiders, or apples to catalytic converters. Well you get the picture...
Staying on an Irish theme but in imminently more talented circles; if you happen to be on the lookout for something that is a little of the beaten track in a musical sense, and want to contribute to a good cause in the process, then you could do a whole lot worse than check out Shane McGowan & Friends version of the old Screamin' Jay Hawkins track, I Put A Spell On You, which is released this week. All proceeds from the single will go to Irish charity Concern, and their stellar, ongoing efforts to ease the suffering of the unfortunate people of Haiti. The track offers a fresh take on a classic song, and features such artists as Nick Cave, Chrissie Hynde, Paloma Faith, Bobby Gillespie and others, all of whom came together for this one of single. It even features movie star Johnny Depp doing a nifty turn on guitar, and is yet another meaningful way of contributing to the ongoing relief effort on the impoverished Caribbean island. The single can be found at: http://www.7digital.com/artists/shane-macgowan-and-friends/i-put-a-spell-on-you, in addition to other places...
Known more for a tendency for unzipping his pants than any real intellectual capacity, Gene Simmons raised a few eyebrows with comments he made while over in the UK last week, touring with his band, Kiss. Speaking of his love for British music, the high-heeled bass player told an interviewer for XFM: "A thousand years from now they're going to look back on the 20th Century and what have the countries of the world given us? The United States gave the world atomic weapons. England gave the world music. What a great legend". Is it just me or does anybody else find that comment just a touch arbitrary? That's like saying: "France gave the world the philosophy of rationalism and Brazil gave the world shaved private parts." It kind of dismisses a few million things in order to make an invalid point. Simmons silly rant kind of reminds me of a bit that UK comedian Bill Bailey did about people who go on about how profound The Killers's track, All These Things That I Have Done is because of the lyric contained within, which states: "I've got soul but I'm not a soldier". Bailey correctly points out that said line is exactly as profound as singing the lyric: "I've got ham but I'm not a hamster." ... And anyway, technically speaking the United States only gave Japan atomic weapons... ]]>
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The instructions are simple, even if the puzzle isn't. You must put a number, from 1 to 9, in every box in the grid. However, each number can only appear once in a particular row or column and only once in each 3x3 sub-grid.
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The instructions are simple, even if the puzzle isn't. You must put a number, from 1 to 9, in every box in the grid. However, each number can only appear once in a particular row or column and only once in each 3x3 sub-grid.
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Click here or on the crossword image