Back in the Saddle; And Things Seem Worse Than Ever

By Charley Brady

It seems like a long time since I had the pleasure of writing for the Examiner. Well, it does and it doesn't. On the one hand it's been a long year and a half or so in my life, with a lot going on between the jigs and the reels; and on the other hand I think that when I was here last I was 'cautiously' optimistic about a new Government - any Government - taking the reins from the criminal conspiracy known as Fianna Fail. So what we got instead was Fine Gael and let's be honest, even the most suspicious amongst us didn't think that they could make things any worse than it was under the likes of Bertie Ahern and Brian Cowen.

Ah, be careful what you wish for. Everything they were, Enda Kenny and Fine Gael have become. His traitorous Tánaiste, Eamon Gilmore and his Labour Party have taken the place of the Greens (remember them?) as total sell-outs to whatever cause they once espoused to have. Of all the promises they made when they were in Opposition every single one has been reneged on: the political cronyism is more rampant than ever, with jobs being given out like chocolate bars to whatever politicians' family members demand one; and that old glass chestnut 'transparency' is harder to see through than ever.

Taoiseach Enda Kenny seems to be getting himself lauded abroad whilst being despised as a liar and a coward at home. He won't engage in debate with one of the the toughest broadcasters on the national television network, Vincent Browne, because of some perceived insult that Browne threw at him a hundred years ago; and he is more absent from these shores than present as he continues to play lapdog to the Germans and suffer a massive bowel movement every time Angela Merkel calls him to account.

Never mind; he's happy that he had his trained Time journalist educating us on what a great guy he is and slapping his cringe worthy visage across the cover of the European version of their magazine. That's what he's good for: simpering and having his poodle head patted and told what a good boy he is because he has imposed 'austerity' on the peasants.

Incredibly, he does seem to want to be liked. Yeah, so that's why he has let loose absolute gougers like the bullying 'Big' Phil Hogan, minister for the Environment, Community and Local Government. 'Big' Phil doesn't give a rat's ass what Paddy and Bridget Q. Sucker think of him. This is a guy who likes to talk down to women in particular, the way these 'big' oafs always seem to do.

He didn't give a damn about the feelings of hatred against him because of his appalling household charges, not a damn. Well, that is until it was revealed that 'Big' Phil was on a debtors' list for not paying his own charges of €4,320 on his apartment in the Algarve, Portugal. When that came out he whined like the little girl he really is that "I am entitled to a certain amount of privacy."

Well hell no, Phil, you're not. Not when you defecate on the people who elected you lot because they expected something better than a carbon copy of Brian Cowen and Company. Not when you p*** off on a junket whilst we the peasants were being decimated in our savings - ha! What savings? - in the December Budget; and that was as savage a woman-hating and child-loathing budget as could be imagined.

Whilst we were listening to the details with jaws hitting the ground and wondering how much more we were expected to take, there was Hogan and his hand-picked gang of ten fellow swine over sunning themselves in Qatar and discussing... oh, please... 'climate change'. Well, when I say discussing it I mean waking up occasionally and putting across a pointless comment in between getting the gargle down their throats.

€5,000 round trips, €16,000 on accommodation at the five-star Hotel Kempinski in the capital of Doha. But wait! A spokesman assured us that they had to pay for their own booze! Well, that's the kind of Ireland we have under Fine Gael now. It's supposed to make us feel better that THEY'RE PAYING FOR THEIR OWN BOOZE! And you know the funny thing? I don't believe that one for a second. Yes, one of Big Phil's gofers proudly told us: "Anyone having drinks of the alcoholic variety has to bear the brunt of the costs themselves."

Bear the brunt. That's called getting your own round in to you and I. Me, I was out on the lash a couple of nights ago and I had to bear the brunt myself. I had to dip into my own pocket, no kidding. Every time I bought a drink, can you believe it?

Whilst Hogan's Government was sticking it to the Respite Carers, savaging them for saving this country a fortune simply by having the decency to look after those that they love; whilst the single mothers were being trod on yet again; whilst pensioners were being told not to worry about that property tax because, ah sure, we can always take it off your estate when you croak it; whilst all this was happening Phil Hogan and his Goon Squad were bearing the brunt of buying their own gargle. It's an unfair world and no mistake.

Truth to tell, I never did expect much more from a guy like Hogan. The one that has let me down on a very fundamental level the most since I last wrote here is Dr. James Reilly, Minister for Health. Who would have thought that anyone could be more shameless and unfeeling than Mary Harney, the dreaded former incumbent; but Reilly is worse for me because I really expected something from the guy; really felt that he had a lot to offer.

I can't even bear to write about him because I really feel so let down by someone that I thought was worth a t***. If someone as unendingly cynical as me can be caught out then that about sums up how much you can trust ANY of the Kenny Brigade.

One guy who was talking a lot of sense whilst I was away was the actor Gabriel Byrne. Byrne has proven himself to be a fine Cultural Ambassador for Ireland and he didn't deserve the sniping that was aimed at him simply because he remains as unimpressed as myself concerning this nonsensical 'Gathering' in Ireland for 2013. He seems to think that the money will just find its way into the usual greasy pockets.

Now why on earth would he think that?

Well, one reason might be the fella that picked up the plum job of organising it, former Fine Gael boss and millionaire Jim Miley.

What was that about cronyism being stamped out, Enda? €168,000 for getting this joke of a show on the road? Talk about rubbing butter into a sow's ass.

Then we had Fianna Fail leader Michael Martin throwing a few shapes by saying that maybe €11,000 could be taken off the pensions of the likes of Brian Cowen, Bertie Ahern and the rest of the Golden Parachute Crowd. So that they can "feel the pain" and suffer the "austerity" of the rest of us, you understand. Not that this will ever happen, grant you; but what kind of a half-assed gesture is it to take what is a pittance from jokers who are on upwards of €150,000 a year even before they get the glad rags on and hit the After Dinner Speaker Circuit?

You know, that's not even the tip of what's been happening since I was gone. I haven't even touched on the Children's Referendum, where we found out - again - that a Supreme Court Ruling means nothing to our politicians.

As if that isn't enough to make you cry we also have a promise from forgotten-but-not-gone Michael Lowry (shamed and 'corrupt' - according to a learned judge), North Tipperary TD, that he is going to be writing a tell-all book. Gosh, I'll bet that you can believe every word that you read in that one.

As I write this on Monday morning I hear that the Minister for Justice Alan Shatter - a man with a smug face that you would never ever tire of punching - is perhaps about to do a U-turn on taking away panic alarm buttons from old age pensioners. What a guy; what a Prince amongst Men. Shatter, it doesn't matter now. You actually considered doing it. What happened? Did something actually penetrate that thick skull of yours or did your own Masters just tell you that maybe it was a step too far?

Shatter, these people are our elders. They raised us and paid taxes and worked hard for this country over decades. How bloody dare you even think that you can treat them like disposable hankies at a time in life when they should be able to take things a little bit easier? We owe them, you insensitive clod. Don't you get that?

So let's leave getting REALLY stuck into them until next week; because truth to tell I'm only one article in and it feels as if I've never been away at all. I have the cattle prod ready, the surgical gloves are on and the salt water enema is here by my side.

Now: Kenny, Hogan and Shatter, if I could just have a moment of your time...

Bend over. I've got a present for you.

You can contact me at chasbrady7@eircom.net or follow me on my blog at www.charleybrady.com