Hour Of The Pig: More Tales From The Madhouse

"In such uncertain times the Church, the State and the Law should have been guiding lights, but the Church was sometimes as corrupt as the State."
- "Hour of the Pig" *

By Charley Brady

As chance would have it I remarked in this column only a few weeks ago that I was wondering what the hell had happened to the Tipperary North TD Michael Lowry. Every time I see him lately he looks as if he has just been visited by the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future. His face has taken on that dreadful jaundiced looking pallor that usually doesn't mean that you're a happy little camper.

I mean, he's always looked wooden, charmless and as if someone had stuck a pole up his backside and told him to revolve at high speed; but this was a kind of new look to him. In fact I recall mentioning in this column that he looked for all the world like a man who had made a deal with Old Nick and suddenly found out that the fine fellow was coming to collect his dues.

I had just mentioned this in passing. Truth to tell, I had forgotten all about the Moriarty Tribunal. I'm willing to bet that half the country had as well. I guess, though, that Old Nick hadn't forgotten what he was owed for giving his latest sucker a few brief years in - ahem - power.

After all, it's been all of fourteen years since the Moriarty Tribunal was set in motion. 'Eeh, by gum, lad, where do the time go to?

Fourteen years, eh? Can you even remember what you were doing fourteen years ago? There's no point in asking me. I sometimes have trouble remembering what I did last night.

Fourteen years? Fourteen years of waiting to be told by Judge Moriarty that Lowry is a gouger and a chancer.

Well, one thing that I do remember about fourteen years ago is that I already knew that. I didn't need a tribunal to confirm for me that he, in the learned Judge's words were, ...oh, let me count the ways: "DISGRACEFUL" and "VENAL".

A decade and a half. That was around the time that he was knocking about Dublin with his mistress. Wow, our first political extra marital scandal! Well, the first one to be out in the open, eh Haughey?

What else did Judge Moriarty say that this fine upstanding politician was? Oh yes, there was "INSIDIOUS"; and what's the last one I'm looking for?

That's right: "PROFOUNDLY CORRUPT".

Now I'm no big shot of a politician, not even one like the crook Lowry, who lives in thrall to Big Business, but even a little person like me doesn't think that a summation from a learned Judge, who has presided over FOURTEEN YEARS of looking at evidence concerning this gouger, could leave you in any doubt as to the character of the man. In other words, he doesn't have much of one.

He had to step down from Fine Gael over his involvement in allegedly taking money off businessman Ben Dunne to have an extension put on his lavish home; yet FG find themselves tainted today by their involvement with him last week. Poor old Enda Kenny. He was having a really good run there in his first weeks as Taoiseach for a while. And I'm still cautiously optimistic about him.

"The costs to the State in this case are already prodigious."
- "Hour of the Pig"

OK, let's go back to the beginning: On the first day the God of Big Business said unto Lowry: "You are not as other men, my son. You are destined for greatness. You are destined by and approved of by us to be the next Taoiseach of this fair emerald isle." [Horrifying thought: he could have been.]

Lowry was Communications Minister for Fine Gael at this time. He was a major force within Fine Gael and one of their main fund raisers, so when the chance for a truly lucrative mobile phone license came up he was in the right place at the right time. At least for some people. The six rival consortiums and bidders against Denis O'Brien probably don't feel that they were too lucky. Indeed, two under bidders - so far - will likely be taking the matter further; and rightly so.

Judge Moriarty found that Denis O'Briens' securing of the mobile license for IR£15 million, as it was then, was helped - to put it mildly - by the interference of Lowry.

Considering the calibre of some of the other bidders this was quite extraordinary and even back then it raised eyebrows.

Those same eyebrows almost up and crawled into the hairline when it was announced only five years later that Esat Digifone was being sold to British Telecom for the equivalent of €2. 3 billion.

Now truly able to call himself a tycoon, Denis O'Brien - of course by now he was a tax exile - pocketed €289 million for himself. Now that's what I call turning a profit.

"One law for the rich?" - "Yes, always."
- "Hour of the Pig"

Michael Lowry came out of this very well indeed, in fact to the tune of around a million euros. Nice work if you can get it. One of the things that Judge Moriarty's tribunal had to do was the unenviable task of following the labyrinthine paper trail that led to Lowry.

On 3-7-1996 Denis O'Brien transferred £407,000 from his Radio Investments account into an account with Allied Irish Bank. This account was with Diest Trading.

A week later the funds were moved to a new AIB account that had been opened by Aidan Phelan. That same day a cheque for £50,000 was written to David Austin (a very close friend of Lowry's) and transferred to his Bank of Ireland account in - where else - the Channel Islands. Just over another week later and a transfer of £100,000 went to the same offshore account.

From there a bank draft for £147,000 went to Michael Lowry's bank account with Irish Nationwide. Then on 2-2-1997, as the McCracken Tribunal went to work Lowry transferred £148,816.93 to a Bank of Ireland account in... the Channel Islands.

This is the kind of labyrinthine trail that has had to be followed. Moriarty also found that Lowry received support from Dennis O'Brien when he applied for a loan from Woodchester Bank in 1999. This loan didn't even have to be guaranteed. Oh, yes, there are different sets of rules all right.

This is what comes to be when Big Business and political interests can no longer be separated. Lowry can cost us all this money in trying to find out what he's up to and yet he will continue to hold on to his seat. After all, 14,000 of his fellow Tipperary voters still think that he is the bee's knees.

Needless to say, every body is denying everything. Indeed, Judge Moriarty's integrity is even being called into question by these louts in suits

Will anybody go to jail? Oh come on, now. This is Ireland, not some country where justice is likely to prevail. So what do you think?

Well, it's with the Director for Public Prosecutions now, but even on the off chance that something could possibly happen here it would just be thrown into litigation for years to come. With a fourteen year Tribunal that can't really enforce anything just drawn to a close, do you think that there is any appetite for keeping going?

Since these things have no teeth with which to enforce anything and only end up telling us what we knew in varying degrees anyway, what really is the point of wasting endless money on them? It won't change anything. It's just another symptom of the illness in this mad country.

"All I'm saying is that in a world where nothing is reasonable, in the end nothing can be truly mad."
- "Hour of the Pig"

Well, Lowry's former lover, Geraldine Mahon, left no one in any doubt of what she thinks of him in an interview with the "Irish Mail on Sunday:"

"I had to pay for it in the headlines and I couldn't go through it all again.

"As far as I'm concerned, he is bad news and we all make mistakes with men. He was a big mistake.

"I don't want anything to do with him. I don't want to be associated with him. I feel sick now you even mentioning his name.

"It's an embarrassment to be associated with him. I haven't seen him in eleven years. I don't want anything to do with him. He's not in my future but unfortunately he was in my past."

So I guess that's one voter he doesn't have on his side.

Look, the man's name has been useless for anything except making people cringe here for years, except in Tipperary North. I don't really expect this to change anything.

Still, a week can be a long time so who knows what the next one will bring. This one will probably run until the next piece of skulduggery comes out.

Meanwhile, it's less than a year since the chancer declared that he was unable to pay his legal fees. Yet in a move that has become standard with these creatures, he transferred a mortgage free home of his on to his daughter only months before that. It is valued at €250,000.

It just never ends with these people; and we are the ones who allow this to go on and on.

They don't care that the whole country wants them out. Just look at Ivor Callely during the week. You'll recall that this is the beauty who was involved in the expenses scam, claiming that he was travelling to and from Cork when in fact he was based in Dublin. Well, he was determined to be heard in the Seanad this week, even though his own colleagues just wanted him to shut up. After all, considering what the Irish people think of that useless establishment it doesn't do to keep reminding us of its continued pointless existence.

He had won a technical High Court victory, much to the hilarity of the nation. So he attempted to read a personal statement into the record. He was ruled out of order. He kept on reading. He was ruled out of order again. He kept on reading.

Then the Leas Cathaoirleach Paddy Burke suspended the meeting. He kept on reading. The stenographers, Burke and everyone in the chamber left. But he still kept on reading to an empty room.

Honestly, talk about a complete lack of self awareness. As if anyone was interested in what the little crawler had to say. It was like a Monty Python sketch that even they would have rejected as being too unbelievable.

Giving it his best "A Few Good Men" impersonation he demanded: "Are people afraid of what I'm going to say? Are people afraid of the truth?" He barely stopped short of turning into Jack Nicholson altogether and screaming: "You can't handle the truth"!

Good one, Ivor. Those nice men with the butterfly nets will be calling on you very soon now. It's time for your medication.

Finally, you may recall I did a piece a couple of weeks back on the thrilling arrival in County Donegal of a clump of Mother Teresa's hair. I was expecting to be abused for my blasphemy and I'm glad to say that you didn't disappoint me.

However, can I just give a "thank you" in these pages (although I have of course responded personally) to Jeffrey Mahoney of New York?

It was nice to receive a disapproving but well thought out email like yours. I took your points on board and found many of them interesting and - dare I say it? - Christian without being strident. You say that you often read edited excerpts from this column to your three daughters and all I can say, since you don't mention what age they are that I'm glad you have the sense to edit them! Trust me, I edit these for my poor old mother in case I give her a heart attack.

Anyway, you gave me a lot to think about. Thank you. For a change I got a balanced and interesting reply. Regards to you and your family.

I hope to see you all again next week.

Same bat-time!

Same bat-channel!

* "Hour of the Pig" - better known to heathen Americans as "The Advocate" - is a terrific 1993 black comedy that looks at Church and State in 15th century France. Don't let that put you off. It's a hoot. It stars Colin Firth, Ian Holm, Donald Pleasance, Nicole Williamson and is written/directed by Leslie Megahey. Recommended.

You can reach Charley at chasbrady7@eircom.net