Gerry Adams Likes Spiced Rum (Shock Horror!)

"I think it is very beautiful for the poor to accept their lot, to share it with the passion of Christ. I think the world is much helped by the suffering of the poor people."
- Mother Teresa once again being a mad old trout and talking garbage

By Charley Brady

In the midst of the shambles that is the current election I got a bit of light (no pun intended) relief this week when I came across a letter from John Mallon in Cork where he said:

"Now campaigning for the General Election is under way, I wonder if any political party (or independent) have a message for the smoking population of more than a million voters?

"After seven years of a failed smoking ban, pubs are closing with job losses, more people than ever are taking up the habit and hand-in-hand with the highest prices for cigarettes in Europe, the Government has also created the biggest criminal smuggling problem [by the way, we'll get to Gerry Adams later]. Attempting to de-normalise a legal and enjoyable habit has caused these problems

"What do the candidates plan to do to address the unnecessary and divisive restrictions on smokers?"

Bravo, Mr. Mallon!

Now I'm not really a smoker myself. I have been know to inhale after a few scoops of course but heroin and crack cocaine are more my thing. Oh, what the hell, you can carry a joke too far sometimes and since Americans are notorious for their lack of irony can I just say that I'm kidding. Now, where the hell did I put that needle?

Someone I'm not kidding about is the aforementioned Gerry Adams.

Despite my utter distaste for the Shinners I've been swaying on their side these last months; but simply because Gerry started talking economics - where it became obvious that he didn't have a feckin' clue what the hell he was waffling on about, I thankfully came out of that black miasma of thinking.

However, I had found myself thinking that some of their younger crew might just be a good alternative to the rat bags that we have at the moment.

I can't remember if it was in this paper or another (all that coke snorting, obviously) where I said that the best thing that the younger men and women of Sinn Fein could do is to distance themselves from the likes of Adams and the admittedly quiet of late McGuinness. Some of these younger men and women are really talking sense; but let's be honest, the likes of you hanging around like a past-its-sell- by- date can of air conditioner isn't doing them any favours.

Leave them alone to get on with it. After all, unlike old fogeys like myself they don't remember - except in a probably abstract way - the mountains of dead that you left behind you in your fight for Irish "freedom". Or the "vanished", the "disappeared" that you still will not divulge the whereabouts of their graves to be. Man, that's just plain evil, no matter what way you dress it up.

But I keep forgetting: you're the only man in the country that doesn't think that you were ever a commanding officer in the Irish Republican Army. Christ, I know that politicians at the best of times have selective memories but this really is taking it too far.

So now you, Adams, think it's funny - actually think it is humorous - that you are renting for the purposes of your election campaign a building that is owned by the family firm of a criminal. Well, not really as much of a criminal as some of the Sinn Fein. After all, he's only up on 81 charges of smuggling. I can live with that. At least he hasn't blown anyone to smithereens, unlike some of you lot.

Your reaction to these accusations is about as funny as my own remarks on the horror of drug abuse. In other words, not very funny at all; but at least I know I'm an asshole.

I mean, come on, how are you going to talk about tax dodging in the Republic when you're bloody well renting from a guy who actually pleaded guilty to tax evasion and fuel smuggling in Belfast Crown Court in 1998? Tell us, Gerry, did we in this hilariously named Republic get any revenue from this joker's illegal activities? Nah, didn't think so.

To show that he took the accusation seriously, when asked if the dodgy Newry businessman was related to the County Louth TD Arthur Morgan, Adams said: "But there's Morgan's rum now. It's spice rum - especially nice with Coco-Cola and a twist of lemon."

Nice to see you taking things seriously, Gerry.

So we have a chicken like Enda Kenny running from a debate - and let's be honest, this chicken just might be running the country in a couple of weeks - we have Fine Gael refusing to talk about who is funding them and we have the Shinners pretending that they never saw a penny from all those bank robberies that [ok, editor] "allegedly" fund them.

At least I had the satisfaction of running the Labour party canvassers out of it last night - all twelve of them. Yeah, that's right, TWELVE of the windbags. Of all the gin joints in all the world they had to knock on my door. I almost felt sorry for them

Sorry it's been so short this week folks. I'll tell you about that another time.

I hope to see you all again next week when hopefully things in the bat cave will be back to what passes for normal in my world.

Same bat-time!

Same bat-channel!

You can reach Charley at chasbrady7@eircom.net