Joe Kavanagh's Music News

Adam Clayton hit the headlines last week, when he opened legal proceedings against his banker and accountant, due to the shenanigans of one particularly sticky-fingered employee. Representatives for the U2 bassist allege that his former personal assistant, Carol Hawkins, embezzled an astonishing $6.07 million from Clayton's bank account during a five year period, leading up to November 2009. Clayton reportedly became suspicious that money was going astray in September of 2008 but was placated when his accountant assured him that only $19,000 was missing. At the time, Hawkins even admitted stealing in the region of $20,000 but claimed that she was suffering from extreme stress in the wake of her marriage breaking up. Remarkably, Clayton did not fire her, but instructed his bankers and accountants to ensure that she no longer had access to his accounts. Not only did it subsequently transpire that his unscrupulous assistant had already milked him for $5.5 million at the time, but she proceeded to take him for another $525,000 during the period October 2008-November 2009, by pilfering an average of $900 out of his account by laser card, every single day. Clayton is now claiming €4.38 million ($5.54 millioin) damages against the bank for alleged negligence, breach of duty and breach of contract and a further €4.8 million ($6 million) damages against the accountants for negligence, breach of contract and negligent misstatement arising from allegedly failing to detect the alleged extent of the misappropriation. Several things strike me. Either Adam Clayton is one of the nicest, most forgiving men in music, for retaining a known thief on his staff, or he is as naïve as a drunk betting big on three card Monte. Secondly, it must be nice to have so much cash that you don't even really notice six million missing for five years because if someone were to take $900 out of my bank account every day, I would notice on day one. Alright I'm exaggerating a bit. I don't even have $900 in my bank account...

Much like Adam Clayton, Australian act, Men At Work will undoubtedly be lighter of pocket, after a judge in their home country handed down a ruling saying that the band ripped off elements of their global mega hit Land Down Under. The magistrate agreed with lawyers representing Larrikin Music, who alleged that the flute solo from the 80s track was stolen from the 1934 song, Kookaburra Sits in the Old Gum Tree, which was initially written for the Girl Guides but whose rights were purchased by Larrikin Music in 2002. The judge ordered the band to pay Larrikin Music 5% of all proceeds made from the track, dating back to the time of the purchase, a decision which Men At Work flautist Greg Ham maintains will devastate his finances, telling TheAge.com: "I'll never see another cent out of that song again. We'll face massive legal costs. At the end of the day, I'll end up selling my house. No one detected it - I didn't detect it and I played the f***ing thing. I was looking for something that sounded Australiana - that's what came out - it was never Kookaburra Sits in the Old Gum Tree. Music's always been about referring to what's already in our culture." There's a difference between 'referring to' and 'ripping off' but it's definitely a gray area alright because if acts had to pay for ripping off elements of other people's music Lenny Kravitz would be in more debt that your average sub-Saharan banana republic...

Colin Farrell's publicist has moved to quash rumors that the star is set to play the part of Ozzy Osbourne in an upcoming biopic on the life of the crazy rocker with a proclivity for bit off bat heads. The Irish actor's publicist told Gossip.com last week that there is no truth to the story, which makes sense given that Ozzy's stated aim is to have an unknown Birmingham actor play the lead role, presumably with subtitles if they do in fact get a full-on Brummie for the part. Still, if he did in fact take on the part, at least Farrell's roots wouldn't look quite as preposterous as they did in Alexander...

While we are on the subject of hell raisers, Tom Jones reckons that the only man whom he has ever encountered that could out-drink him at a bar is late-Welsh acting legend, Richard Burton. Speaking to the Daily Express, Jones claimed: "It's not something to be proud of necessarily but I can't remember anyone getting the better of me. Richard Burton gave me a run once at an awards ceremony in Germany. He drank a bottle of cognac as fast as I drank a bottle of champagne." The hairy-chested singer went on to confess that while he is fond of a pint, he has never had any interest in drugs, admitting: "Drug taking has never been attractive to me because you have to go to the toilet to sniff cocaine. I don't like going to the toilet even when I have to." And here was me thinking that it was all the plastic surgery that made his face exude a perpetual expression of surprise, when all the while it could have been down to self-induced constipation...

Speaking of things that are best flushed down the toilet, creepy Irish twins, Jedward made the news last week when one of the pair fell during a performance at the UK's T4 On The Beach, which resulted in a suspected broken leg. John and Edward Grimes were in full swing in their televised set, when the latter took a tumble but managed to continue with his performance, such as it was. I would say that the accident was perhaps a sign from Apollo, the god of music, but if that were the case, both siblings would be struck dumb and their fans would be given the gift of taste. As a further illustration of how little John and Edward Grimes have in common with the world of music, they were recently asked if they were fans of award-winning Canadian act, Arcade Fire, during an interview with the Irish Times. Their reply: "We think so. We're not sure. Were they ever on the X-Factor? Arcade Fire? Hmmm. Are they like Meatloaf? We like Meatloaf." They actually know so little about music that they were probably referring to the food and not the Bat Out Of Hell singer during that little sound byte...

While Jedward were falling down at one festival, Amy Winehouse was being shut out at another. The Back To Black singer was backstage at the Wireless Festival last week, when she stunned onlookers by garishly attempting to get the attention of Britain's Prince Harry, shouting: "Harry. Oi Harry. How are ya love? I only wanted to say hello to Harry." Security were quick to intervene, holding the singer safely at bay, which is hardly surprising given her penchant for behaving like a drunken slapper. Of course it also doesn't help her cause that she has a face like a plasterer's radio... In other festival news, the vuvuzela, also known as the plastic horn that sucked the atmosphere out of the World Cup, has been banned from many of Europe's music festivals this summer, due to the effect that it could have on the listening experience of festival goers. Bad and all as it is, it still beats the hell out of listening to Nickelback...

In other festival news, John Mayer pulled out of his appearance at last weekend's T in the Park festival, in Scotland, due to "unforeseen circumstances", which, curiously, is the same reason he cited for pulling out of a scheduled European tour that was due to take place in May. I'm guessing that the real reason is either (a) nobody in Europe is remotely interested in hearing his musical twaddle, or (b) he forgot that he had to lead a meeting in his local chapter of the Ku Klux Klan...

George Michael was back in the news again, for all the wrong reasons, when he was arrested in Hampstead, London, during the early hours of July 4, after crashing his car into a shop. The singer apparently waited by his vehicle until police arrived, and bailed himself out after cops took blood tests and searched his car. Let's take a brief look at the facts, shall we? He was arrested in Hampstead, hours after the gay parade march, after crashing into a large building, and he is an avowed ganja smoker, who has multiple arrests for driving under the influence and a history of taking other drugs. Even Paul the World Cup predicting octopus wouldn't bet against the cops finding a bottle of poppers in that car at the very least. Personally, given the amount of money he has, the amount of vehicular incidents he has been involved with, and the amount of times he has had his license taken off him, I don't know why George Michael doesn't just hire a driver...

Sting gave a revealing interview to the UK's Daily Telegraph recently, where he admitted that much of the public's perception of him may be less than desirable. The Police front man claimed: "For some people I am a pretentious prat. But they're not people who actually know me. I don't feel like defending myself that much so I'd rather say, 'That's fine, believe what you want to believe,' I live my life. I don't need everyone to love me. I really don't." A good job too, but he doesn't half bang on about it considering how much it allegedly doesn't matter to him. Pretentious prat...

The founder of the Russian National Concert Orchestra has been arrested in Thailand and is facing a host of charges relating to child abuse, including rape of a 14-year-old boy and appearing in compromising photos. Police in the Thai resort city of Pattaya arrested Grammy-winner Mikhail Vasilievich Pletnev after a tip-off, and he now faces 20 years behind bars. The renowned musician stated: "This whole thing is a misunderstanding." Yeah right, posing for naked pictures with kids is perfectly natural. He and Gary Glitter should be tied together at the wrist and made participate in a knife fight. The winner then gets to use the same knife in a fight against a shark... Then a bear... Then a speeding bus...

Speaking of people with an unhealthy interest in kids, Pete Townshend and The Who are taking to the road next year, where they intend to perform an updated version of Quadrophenia as part of their live show. Speaking of their decision to take to the road despite their advancing years, singer Roger Daltry claimed: "We've got ideas... We're looking on probably being out there, hopefully if all goes well, in the spring of next year. We definitely don't want to stop. We feel it's the role of the artist to go all the way through life 'til you can't do it anymore." Whatever happened to "I hope I die before I get old." I doubt he can even remember the words to My Generation any more without a teleprompter...

Courtney Love maintains that she has come in for a world of abuse from her band mates, due to her short-lived affair with British comedian Steve Coogan. Speaking to Uncut, the Hole singer claimed: "I get tortured by my band quite a bit for this. I had that fling with that crazy f***, The Coog, as we call him, long before I saw I'm Alan Partridge. I'd previously only seen him in 24 Hour Party People, where he was brilliant... So when I finally saw I'm Alan Partridge, I was like: 'Oh. My. F***ing. God. You're kidding me?' I'm in a band with f***ing three Brits, and it never, ever, ever ends. Whether it's: 'Back of the net!' or 'Cashback!' or whatever the f***. It's torture. I walked into the studio recently and they'd put up this giant poster of Alan Partridge on the wall and I was like... 'You f***ing take that down right f***ing now!'" If it's any consolation to her, I'm sure the abuse that Steve Coogan gets from his mates about the affair is a whoooooole lot worse...