Joe Kavanagh's Music News

Westlife's Nicky Byrne made headlines last week, when he was rushed to hospital after a performance in Liverpool. The 'singer' was briefly hospitalized, when he accidentally smashed his head into a glass table during the course of a wrestling match with band mate Kian Egan, opening a wound that required five stitches. The Irish boyband are also in the process of releasing their seventh album, which they say is designed to make people want to have sex, with Mark Feehily declaring to The Sun: "You can listen to it while you're conceiving. Lots of people have called their sons and daughters after us already." Considering that all four members of Westlife are boys, there must be a few disgruntled girls out there, because I can't imagine any member of the fairer sex would be thrilled a being called Mark. As for the sexual ambiance of their music, I don't think Westlife will ever be mentioned in the same sentence as Marvin Gaye; unless one of them gets a few bullets pumped into their head by their father. At least they are honest enough to admit that their music hasn't been of the highest quality down through the years, with Shane Filan telling The Sun: "You get to a stage when you get a bit lazy. But then we'll go back into the studio and realize the last record was a bit lazy and do better on the next one." I'm still waiting for that to happen because contrary to making me feel amorous, their tunes are more likely to make me want to smash my head through a plate glass table...

Speaking of ghastly music, Phil Collins will be in New York next month to pick up the Johnny Mercer Award from the Songwriting Hall of Fame. Apparently the prize is the highest honor that the organization can bestow upon a songwriter, but the timing seems a little off, considering the fact that former Genesis drummer/singer hasn't made a record worth writing about for some two decades. Perhaps it's like the musical equivalent of agricultural subsidies, where an individual is rewarded for not producing anything. If that's the case then I can't wait until the day that Chris De Burgh, Sting and James Blunt get the same award...

A four decades old recording of a Beatles press conference is expected to fetch a fortune when it goes under the hammer at auction this summer. Auctioneers Bonham and Butterfields, are due to sell 14-minute reel, which captures a Toronto press conference with the Fab Four, in which they are quizzed relentlessly about John Lennon's remarks about the band being "bigger than Jesus". The obscure recording was only recently discovered after gathering dust in a drawer for the past 40 years. The Beatles are also going to be the subject of a new zombie movie, titled Paul is Undead: The British Zombie Invasion. The offbeat film is based on a graphic novel by Alan Goldsher, which weaves a tale where John Lennon kills the other members of the band, only for them to return as flesh-eating members of the undead. Speaking of the movie last week, Pulp Fiction producer Stacey Sher claimed: "I am a huge Beatles fan like the rest of the world and Alan's mash-up, which really showcases his love of music history and his appreciation of the zombie world, is a fun, funny read." ...

In other music/movie crossover news, Ozzy Osbourne's memoir, I Am Ozzy, will apparently be the subject of a major motion picture in the near future, although uncertainty remains over who will play the part of the singer, in the film chronicling the wild and crazy life of the former Black Sabbath singer. Ozzy recently stated that he would like to see Robert Downey Jr. play the lead role in the movie but wife/manager Sharon wants an unknown to play the part of her husband, saying: "If you go the Val Kilmer/Doors way, it becomes too Hollywood." We all know who's winning that argument. Anyway, with the way Ozzy is now, you could probably just shoot it with a mandrill in the lead part and tell him that it's Robert Downey Jr....

In other Osbourne related news, daughter Kelly Osbourne continues to bang on and on about how great her relationship is with 20-year-old boyfriend Luke Worrall. While not wanting to be too cynical, I honestly haven't heard young Luke prattle on even once about his 25-year-old girlfriend, who seemingly declares how unbelievably, super-duperly in love the pair of them are to the media, each and every week. Last week she was gushing about a barbecue they had purchased, telling Closer magazine: "The weather has been beautiful in Los Angeles lately, and Luke and I are finally buying a barbeque so that we can cook and eat outside. Our friends think we're mad because it has taken us so long, but we're Londoners - we're not used to this kind of sunshine! I've found a really cool, retro '50s-inspired barbeque that I think we'll go for - can't wait to fire it up. Luke and I planted a vegetable garden at my house. We planted tomatoes, onions, carrots, garlic, chilli peppers and loads of herbs. Now we've just got to be patient while we wait for it all to grow. Apparently it takes eight weeks." If I were young Luke, all of this talk would be making me a little nervous because you know that his missus has the crazy gene in her from both sides. If this dude ever crosses Kelly, he could wake up one day to find his John Bob-bits grilling on the barbecue, or worse still - like some agrarian version of the old Mafioso adage - could end up sleeping with the vegetables...

While the recent UK election has led many to speculate on the ambiguity surrounding Britain's future, the results made one thing perfectly clear: a relationship with famous musicians does not a political career make. Blur drummer Dave Rowntree failed in his bid to get elected to Parliament as a member of Labour, when he came a distant second to his Conservative adversary, while running for MP in London. In a Tweet shortly after the result was announced, Rowntree maintained that placing second on the ballot was a "fantastic result". While that might be true on the surface, his contention loses its luster somewhat when you factor in that he finished a full 30% behind the winner in terms of votes. I suppose his capacity for spin at least proves that Rowntree is full of enough B.S. to compete in the sordid world of politics...

Tony Jupiter also tried to cash in on his music world connections in his attempt to get elected as the MP for Cambridge. The Green Party member found a vocal supporter in Radiohead singer, Thom Yorke, who even performed a fundraising concert on his behalf, which was good enough to secure Juniper a less than stellar fourth place on the local ballot...

Rolling Stones guitarist Ronnie Wood announced during his show on Absolute Radio last week that he has reformed seminal '70s outfit, The Faces - in a manner of speaking. With Rod Stewart's indecision on whether he wanted to return to the band he famously fronted in his early career, Wood decided to push ahead with former Simply Red vocalist Mick Hucknall, assuming singing responsibilities. Wood is thrilled with the results so far, telling listeners: "His range is absolutely incredible. It's today like Rod's range was back in the '70s." They definitely didn't hire him for his looks anyway because with Mick Hucknall and Ron Wood sharing the stage, the audience will be throwing paper bags on the stage, instead of underwear. The Rolling Stones guitarist also announced that former Sex Pistols bassist Glen Matlock, will be standing in for original bassist Ronnie Lane, who died in 1997. With all the new members, does this even qualify as a true reunion of The Faces? I mean, would it count as a Led Zeppelin reunion if the band got back together with Steven Tyler on lead vocals and Bingo from the Banana Splits on drums? ...

While we are on the subject of dubious reunions, Def Leppard guitarist, Vivian Campbell has thrown his pick into the ring for the latest incarnation of Thin Lizzy, who are set to embark on a European tour in the coming months. The reunion will also feature former Thin Lizzy members Scott Gorham and Brian Downey, but in all honesty, it could feature Gary Moore, the reincarnation of Jim Morrison and the cast of Glee, and still amount to nothing without Phil Lynott...

While other classic rock acts are having difficulty gathering their constituent parts, Status Quo just keep on trucking after more than 40 years together, but singer Francis Rossi is not sure if that is such a good thing. Speaking of his almost half century long relationship with fellow guitarist/singer, Rick Parfitt, Rossi mused: "When we tour abroad we're usually seated next to each other on the plane. When we tour Britain we eat at the same time in the afternoon. We arrive at venues together, we do promos together. On tour our rooms are usually next to each other. It's been like that since we were 17. I haven't been with a woman that long." For a second I thought he was going to come out there...

Speaking of which, UK rapper Lady Sovereign finally summoned up the courage to declare that she is a lesbian to the world last week, when she gave a forthright interview to Diva magazine. The onetime Jay Z protégé announced: "You can't hide away forever. It's just stupid and now I've come out I feel a lot more comfortable with myself. But it was a bit scary back then, because some people do have horrible opinions." I don't know about anyone else, but I think all those conversations she had while on Celebrity Big Brother UK, detailing her many dalliances with other women, kind of eliminating some of the suspense from last week's coming out party...

Former guitarist for The Kills, Jamie Hince is presently attempting to get his new band off the ground, under the watchful eye of girlfriend Kate Moss. When I say 'watchful eye', I kind of mean more of a guiding hand, because reports in the media insist that his supermodel beau has taken more than a passing interest in his new project. One source was quoted in tabloid the Daily Star saying: "Kate's really supportive of Jamie's new band, which is a five-piece. She's been getting really involved, taking the session musicians out for dinner and giving her musical input." Yeah, that's always a good idea...

As an illustration of just how important image has become in the modern music industry, La Roux singer Ellie Jackson has become embroiled in a difference of opinion with her record label regarding the nature of her hairstyle. The Bulletproof singer reportedly wants to cut off her trademark spikey hair but label bosses are insisting that she keep it, as they view it as a crucial part of her image. I'd imagine that the same argument will probably transpire between Lady Gaga and her label if she ever attempts to wear trousers or a skirt...

My apologies if this isn't remotely related to music but just to finish up, a few days ago I was talking about living in New York to a guy at home who is known for being a bit of a hard-drinker. He appeared to know all about life on the other side of the pond and has a plethora of opinions on the US, so I casually asked him what part he had spent time in. He looked me straight in the eye, smiled and said: "Sure I've never been to America in me life", before pausing to take a drink, and adding: "But I've definitely been in some states." I just had to write that one down before I forgot it, so thanks for indulging me because I amost broke my coccyx when I fell of my stool from laughing.