Joe Kavanagh's Music News

To some, he was a visionary in the field of public relations, capable of not only anticipating trends but actually driving them, while others viewed him as little more than a piggybacking rapscallion, whose every action was driven by personal gain. Whatever your stance, there is little doubt that Malcolm McClaren would have afforded himself a wry grin at the global publicity drummed up by his own demise. The Machiavellian master of punk rock lost his battle with cancer in Switzerland last Thursday (April 8), removing one of the most colorful and contentious characters the music world has ever seen at only 64-years-old. He had his first brush with the music scene during his short-lived stint as the manager of the New York Dolls, but it was not until a young boy named John Lydon walked into a clothing store that he shared with fashion designer Vivienne Westwood, that he truly came of age, transforming a young act named The Strand, into a snarling slice of unforgettable cultural zeitgeist known as the Sex Pistols. Tributes poured in from all across the globe with New York Dolls singer David Johansen, referring to him as "a marvelous amalgam of exuberation, sensuality, culture and literacy... salted with the essential recognition of his own rascality." John Lydon, blogging under his old moniker Johnny Rotten claimed: "For me Malc was always entertaining, and I hope you remember that. Above all else he was an entertainer and I will miss him, and so should you." I actually think that he is talking to himself there because I could swear that Lydon spent years telling every interviewer that would listen, that he intended to kill McClaren if he ever caught up with him. In the end, few could argue that the so-called "Brian Epstein of punk" lived his life by the adage taught to him so long ago by the grandmother who raised him: "To be bad is good... to be good is simply boring"...

Few would argue that Ireland has punched above its weight, in a cultural sense, down the years, as the nation's past is littered with all manner of celebrated writers, political powerhouses and exalted thinkers. It is then somewhat disheartening, and certainly a sign of the times, that a recent in-depth poll held by the nation's preeminent national radio station managed to find a place for popstars on a list of Ireland's greatest ever figures, ahead of some of the best writers known to humanity. The poll was conducted for national broadcaster RTE, in conjunction with the Ryan Tubridy Show, with the station committed to producing a series of documentaries covering the top five names this coming September. Announced last week, the top ten on the list were as follows: Bono, Dr Noel Browne, Michael Collins, James Connolly, Stephen Gately, John Hume, Phil Lynott, Padraig Pearse, Mary Robinson and Adi Roche. While an argument can certainly be made for many of those included, consider for a moment that recently deceased Boyzone member Stephen Gately beat out the likes of James Joyce (possibly the most celebrated writer behind William Shakespeare) Daniel O'Connell, W.B. Yeats, Oscar Wilde, Wolfe Tone... I would go on but my blood pressure is rising to the point where I've got one of those Sheriff Buford T. Justice beepers going off, and I didn't even have one fitted. In fairness, the public did have to choose from a predetermined list of 40 names, and while all of the aforementioned luminaries were on that list, names like Edmund Burke, Brian O'Nolan (a.k.a. Flann O'Brien), Commodore John Barry, Samuel Beckett and George Bernard Shaw were not. Instead, those who compiled the list offered names like Louis Walsh (whose own mother surely wouldn't agree that he deserves inclusion) and Daniel O'Donnell (whose own mother would undoubtedly think he's too good to be on it). I don't know who actually compiled the master list but I'm guessing that it was drawn up with crayons... By monkeys...

I've heard of some pretty crazy promotional methods before, such as Rammstein giving away rubber molds of their erm, members (they are German) but cult UK band Gang Of Four's latest idea will take some beating, if they are allowed carry it out. The seminal four-piece are currently in the final stages of releasing a follow-up to 1995 album, Shrinkwrapped, which they intend to title Content. Nothing peculiar there. The band, however, intend to include with each copy of the album, special scratch and sniff cards, and - wait for it - a pot of their own diluted blood. I don't know whether they anticipate selling many copies because that could get a little messy, not to mention a little light-headed. Speaking to the BBC last week, guitarist Andy Gill claimed: "We're having discussions with health and safety to find out what percentage of our actual blood we're allowed to put in there." I can just picture the poor health and safety guy smiling at the band, as he frantically pushes the panic button beneath his desk...

Staying in the same sanguine-related vein, Courtney Love has approached Robert Pattinson, and asked him to play the lead role in an upcoming biopic about her late-husband. The Vampire Diaries actor, who also hopes to carve out a career in music, has apparently agreed to take on the role of Kurt Cobain. Love is equally determined that Scarlett Johansson will play her in the movie, which will be titled, All Apologies. I think it's a little ironic that a man who is best known for sucking the life out of people on screen will be playing the person who got the life sucked out of him, and I'm not sure that they really need to splash out big bucks on Scarlett Johanssen. I would have thought that they could pay some crackhead three Snickers bars, a comb and a pair of secondhand Chuck Taylors to play the part of Courtney Love, if they were really looking for authenticity. A source close to the production was quoted in the UK tabloids as saying that Pattinson's manners are winding Courtney Love up. Chivalry was never even alive in her world...

Speaking of people that are a little off-kilter, Girls Aloud singer Sarah Harding revealed to a reporter last week just how she manages to keep her slim figure. Speaking to WENN, the platinum-haired party girl claimed that she sprinkles charcoal on her food before eating it, saying: "It's not the regular charcoal you put in fires, though - I'm not that mad." You think? Harding claims that she found out about the diet after reading about it on the internet. I've read that the Queen is a lizard and that Megan Fox is a dude on the internet; it doesn't mean that I believe it. Why stop at charcoal? I'm going to start a rumor in a chatroom this week, alleging that mouse droppings not only help you lose weight, but can also cure glaucoma...

Whitney Houston has once again raised fears that she has reverted to her drug taking ways, after she was rushed to a hospital in Paris last week. The emergency meant that she had to cancel four of her shows, but Houston was quick to deny any allegations of drug-use upon being released from hospital, declaring: "Ridiculous. At this point, I just don't respond. I don't even read it. My health is terrific. But this is a time when I get a lot of allergies." I would like nothing more than to believe her but for two little pieces of evidence. Exhibit A: Whitney was hospitalized for chronic rhinopharyngitis, which in layman's terms is swelling of the mucus membranes in the nose and throat. Exhibit B: Witness Marlon David recently shared the same Hollywood hotel as the singer, where he claimed: "I saw her pull a plastic bag out, put a folded bill to her nose and discreetly snort a line from it of what to me certainly looked like cocaine. She's extremely thin and looks like a disaster." Certainly seems like a case involving the old Colombian marching powder. Perhaps not though, maybe Whitney's moved on to phase two of charcoal use and now just snorts it in lieu of food...

Rapper/singer/political activist M.I.A. dismissed any similarities between herself and Lady Gaga in an interview last week, pointing out that the latter is really just a cheap amalgam of several different acts. Speaking of the frequent comparisons, the Paper Planes singer announced: "She models herself on Grace Jones and Madonna but the music sounds like 20-year-old Ibiza disco. She's not progressive, but she's a good mimic. She sounds more like me than I f***ing do! That's a talent... but she's the industry's last stab at making itself important." I'd have to agree with every single word of that because Lady Gaga essentially represents a triumph of style over substance. For me, she's just a better looking version of Liberace, with less clothes, less melodies and less talent. Of course there are profound differences between the two. Lady Gaga definitely has a better body and Liberace was probably more into boys than she is...

Leona Lewis told an interviewer last week that she is glad that she keeps her romance with Lou Al Charma private because she was appalled by the very public breakup of Cheryl Cole and her Chelsea footballer husband, Ashley. The Bleeding Love singer claimed: "It makes me glad that I've kept my personal life private. It's hard when two people are in the spotlight to keep it under wraps so I really feel for her." I'm not sure that the breakup was all down to a lack of privacy, but it certainly had to do with privates, such as the time Ashley sent several photos of his own privates to a stripper. By all accounts he needed to use a zoom lens...

Manchester band Doves, have denied they intend to split up after guitarist Jez Williams seemed to suggest that their current greatest hits tour would "probably" be their last tour. He has since gone back on his words, telling NME: "I did say it was our last tour for a bit. I never said forever." While I am certainly pleased at the news that his fine band will stay together, Jez Williams sounds a little like Pinocchio out of Shrek: "I definitely didn't say that we probably wouldn't not be breaking up. If, in fact, that was what I didn't say when I wasn't talking." Drummer - and brother of Jez - Andy Williams says that he was shocked to read of the breakup, saying: "I was like: 'The band are splitting up? No one told me.'" The drummers are always the last to know. Not because they're the last to be told but just because it often takes them that long to grasp sentences longer than three words with big words like 'splitting' in them...

In other Mancunian music news, Liam Gallagher claims that Oasis will never, ever reform as he has no intentions of reconciling with his brother Noel in the near future. Quite the contrary in fact, as the younger, louder Gallagher brother claims that he would attack his brother if, and when, they meet again. Speaking to Shortlist magazine, he declared: "I don't wanna see him. But if I see him, who knows what would happen? I'll probably end up f***ing leathering him." What a charming man, if that's how he would treat his own flesh and blood, not to mention the man that most likely removed him from a life of petty crime in Manchester if early accounts of his life can be believed. Liam Gallagher had better hope that his upcoming solo work goes even some way to backing up his words because he hasn't shut up about how great he is since Oasis' demise. At this point, I'd nearly start a campaign to get them back together again myself just to quieten him down, only I have to get cracking on this whole mouse dropping thingy.