Joe Kavanagh's Music News

George Michael sparked concerns for his safety last week when police were called into action by a security guard who noticed that the front door had been left swinging wide open on the singer's plush London pad. Cops found Michaels a short time later in an unspecified nearby location and no further action was taken but given his unconventional ways, it is understandable that the incident left those close to him a little on edge. Michaels has worked to play down his aloof, troubled image, which he once alluded to in an interview, saying: "People want to see me as tragic with all the cottaging and drug-taking. I don't see them as weaknesses any more. It's just who I am. I've done different things at different times that I shouldn't have done, once or twice, you know. Of course, nobody wants to regularly smoke crack." Well, not unless you're Bobby Brown and that "cottaging" he refers to isn't of the thatched variety, although I suppose it could be if "thatched" enters the slang vernacular. The time will probably come when you go out looking for a thatched cottage only to awaken two days later with no memory of the previous 48 hours, and sporting a tattoo saying "I love Sid" on your behind... But I digress...

Bookies around Ireland and the UK are taking bets on whether the Gallagher brothers will end up in a fist-fight during next week's Brit Awards, due to their ongoing feud in the wake of Oasis' breakup last year. The Manchester act's sophomore album, What's The Story Morning Glory? is amongst the nominees for best British album of the past 30 years. Both brothers have publicly stated that they will not attend the event if the other chooses to do so, which has set up something of a Mancunian Mexican stand-off. Liam Gallagher was also in the news last week, after he blasted fellow Brit Award nominee Florence Welsh, during an interview with radio station XFM. Speaking to host Clint Boone, Gallagher declared: "No, I'm not having someone with ginger hair making music. I'm not going down that road. I'm sure she's a nice girl, but she sounds like someone's stood on her f***ing foot". That's pretty rich coming from a guy who sings like he just got kicked between his legs...

Staying briefly on the subject of the Brit Awards, Leona Lewis was furious with organizers of the event after they controversially added foie gras to the menu for the evening. The pâté-like substance is made from the livers of ducks or geese, which have been force-fed corn, a process that has caused uproar among animal rights activists. Writing on her blog last week, Lewis claimed: "I was outraged 2 hear that the Brit Awards were planning 2 serve foie-gras at the ceremony. They hav (sic) now removed it from the menu, well done!" J-Lo was once equally outraged when organizers had the audacity to leave in the yellow M&Ms. Just one other thing on Lewis' blog entry. I understand this whole "2" for "too", "l8r" for "later" etc. text language, but leaving the "e" off the end of "have", c'mon now, that's just lazy...

On other animal rights related music news, Matthew Herbert last week gave up on his efforts to record the sound of a pig being slaughtered after being denied permission to do so by several veterinarians. The quirky electronic producer is currently putting the finishing touches on a project he has titled One Pig, an aural record of the life and death of a pig. Writing on his website of the decision to prevent him recording the animal's final moments, Herbert opined: "For me the death was always a crucial part of the project. it was the part i was looking forward to the least, but the part i felt was most pertinent in my understanding of this life. i'll be writing more about this process at a later date." Animal rights group PETA were supportive of the decision by veterinarians, declaring: "No one with any true talent or creativity hurts animals to attract attention, but we are sorry Matthew Herbert couldn't include the screams of pigs being made into bacon on his record, as they would have instantly turned some people into vegetarians. Pigs are inquisitive, highly intelligent, sentient animals who become frightened when they are sent to slaughterhouses, where they kick and scream and try to escape the knife. They are far more worthy of respect than Matthew Herbert or anyone else who thinks cruelty is entertainment." I'd imagine that pigs do taste a little better than Matthew Herbert, who has already had the animal's remains sent to several top UK chefs as preparation for a banquet featuring the pig as the special guest; albeit a cooked one. Herbert also intends make a drum out of the creature's skin, a flute out of its bones, a toothbrush out of its bristles and ink out of its blood. Truthfully, the entire project sounds like it's been made out of one of the animal's ears too...

While Matthew Herbert's body of work may not put him in line for too many prizes - outside of the culinary world anyway - Paul Weller has been chosen as the recipient of this year's NME Godlike Genius Award, for his lifetime contribution to music. As front man of The Jam and Style Council, in addition to his critically-acclaimed solo career, the one-time angry young man of British rock has consistently proven himself to be one of the most talented and versatile songwriters to emerge from the UK during the course of the past 30 years. Giving his reaction to NME's decision to celebrate his career with the prestigious prize, the so-called "Modfather" declared: "I'm very flattered. I shall find a special place for it. A little altar to myself with garlands of flowers around it." Someone should probably tell him that being awarded the accolade doesn't actually make him a god...

I read last week where Lady Gaga admitted that she has trouble meeting other famous people because she occasionally becomes introverted in their company, saying: "I don't really meet that many other artists because I'm actually kinda shy. I might not be shy with people that I know but with people that I don't know I am very shy." Maybe I'm missing something but I'm finding it a little hard to reconcile the fact that Lady Gaga could feel shy in front of strangers, given that she frequently takes to the stage in front of 50,000+ of them wearing little more than a smile on her face and a sprinkle of dental floss. Conversely speaking, if a regular civilian ever gets nervous in Lady Gaga's company, it wouldn't take a whole lot of imagination to use the old "picture them naked" method in order to restore composure...

While we are talking about flashily-dressed female singers, I also read last week where La Roux claimed that she is not straight, gay or bisexual. In my naïveté, I used to think that there were only those three categories when it came to sexual orientation but the internet has definitely put that notion to the sword. Have you ever tried typing "animal lover" into Google? Let's just say that Paul McCartney is not the first answer that comes up. Anyway, back to La Roux, the Bullet Proof singer told an interviewer last week: "I don't have a sexuality. I don't feel like I'm female or male. I don't belong to the gay or straight society, if there is such a thing. I feel like I'm capable of falling in love with other people. I'm not saying I'm bisexual, I'm just sexual! Of course, I can appreciate other women. Beyonce is beautiful. I find men or women sexy. The Mexican actor Gael Garcia Bernal is hot and I've always fancied James Dean - but, weirdly, I want to look like the people I fancy." P-Diddy has that problem too but luckily he looks just like himself...

Legendary singer Dame Vera Lynn is leading the call to prevent the rumored sale of the English port of Dover. The famous seaport, which Lynn sung about in her track White Cliffs of Dover, is reportedly in the process of being sold to the French port of Calais, although British officials have flatly denied the rumor. Now Lynn has entered the fray, announcing: "How could they even think about selling it off? It is not right. Dover is part of England. It simply can't be part of anywhere else." Personally, I don't know what the big fuss is about, the throne and the Crown Jewels that go along with it are owned by a handful of Germans and a Greek and you don't hear a word about it...

Courtney Love claims that she was forced to miss a gig in Camden, London last week, after cops advised her to stay in her hotel room, due to an ongoing riot outside on the street, involving over 2,000 revelers who had shown up for an illegal house party, held in a deserted building in the city's swanky Oxford Street area. While it's true that the disturbance did take place, police were not called to the scene until 11pm, which essentially means that unless Love intended to travel to the gig by time machine she would not have made it anyway. She probably just needed a new excuse given that she can't use babysitting her daughter Frances Bean as an alibi, since the latter flew the coop quicker than a pigeon with its tail feathers on fire...

Madonna is once again causing controversy in Malawi, after her efforts to build a girl's school in the African nation's capital have come under fire from locals who claim that they are being evicted from their village, in order to clear the way for the project. Protesters took to the streets of Lilongwe last week in a final desperate bid to save their village from being bulldozed, when officials ordered them to vacate the area as work is set to begin on the school. District Commissioner Charles Kalemba told villagers: "Government allowed you to occupy this land because there was no project yet. But now that Madonna wants to build you a school you have to give way. You are lucky that Madonna has compensated you for your houses, gardens and trees." Officials claim that locals have been offered another plot of land to live on, in addition to collectively being awarded $115,000 compensation by Madonna. That might seem like a fair deal until you consider that the school will cost $15 million. For that price in Africa you could probably build the entire thing out of blood diamonds. Surely the people of Malawi would be better served if Madonna built several good schools instead of one super-bling, exclusive one? M.I.A. used a $100,000 fee that she received from MTV a few years back to build two schools in Liberia, each one catering to 1,000 pupils...

Finally, Ron Wood and Keith Richards are allegedly both currently attempting to quit booze, as they seek to act as a mutual support group. According to a friend of Richards, who was quoted in UK newspaper the Daily Express: "Keith and Ronnie haven't had much to do with one another but now they're back in touch. They've both given up alcohol recently so they can obviously relate to each other's situation. They've been giving one another plenty of mortal support." How do two men that have been on the road with each other for over three decades, standing only a few feet apart on stage, fall out of touch? Only in the crazy world of rock'n'roll. Mind you, with their legendary reputation as hell-raisers, they probably can't remember a minute of it and I'd imagine that Keith Richards' upcoming autobiography will include lots of entries like: "March 6 1982, woke up with head pounding and couldn't recall too much. Seem to remember something about a party in a cottage with a guy named Sid..."