G'Day From Downunder

It's tea time again, so get the new kettle on and let's boil up a brew. There's a racquet going on Downunder and it's all about tennis.

It's daylight robbery or should I say nighttime robbery as most of the quarterfinals, semi-finals, and finals are late night events. Serena Williams cleaned out the vault again for the fifth time taking out the Australian Open Grand Slam beating the Belgium comeback queen Justine Henin 6-4, 3-6, 6-2 (not that the scores matter).

Then just for a little extra pocket money as if she hadn't already made enough with her total winnings standing at over $30 million, she and her sister Venus walked away with the Women's Doubles Trophy.

If someone doesn't come along soon to challenge this awesome athlete the Australian Tennis Association might as well just send her the prize money and save her the inconvenience of travelling the long journey Downunder.

Remember I wrote two years ago about this very same event; come on now, help me out here, is it coming back to your yet? Yes, yes, yes remember I said this poor lonely girl would be travelling back home to the USA with all this money and no one to tuck her in her bed at night.

Remember I challenged all you single men to join your local tennis clubs and I said you just might come across her on your local tennis court. So what happened? Where did you all go wrong? She's still single and mega-rich with no one to spend it on and at the rate she's hitting balls, she is only going to get richer.

Have you no sympathy for the lonely rich girl? It would be wonderful for Irish morale, considering the Celtic Tiger is now only a rotten carcass and a faded memory of success, if she were to marry an Irishman.

With her prize money and sponsorship she could single-handedly fire up the whole of Irish economy again to what it was before the banks and rogue traders started playing ping pong with the hard earned euros of honest Irish workers and investors.

When you look back into our proud Irish history, colored people have been a wonderful asset to Ireland; there was the amazingly talented Phil Lynett (Thin Lizzy), Paul McGrath (the gifted footballer who played for Manchester United and Ireland), the equally talented Chris Hughton, then at Tottenham Hotspur, and Terry Phelan at Manchester City just to name just a few.

I'm sure Serena would fit into Irish politics very comfortably considering how most of the politicians are, or were, involved in some sort of racket and this gig would be right up a tennis player's alley. It would be lovely to have a real talent showing our politicians how to use the racquet (racket?) properly.

So come on now you single Irish guys out there don't you want to do something spectacular for your country by wooing and then marrying a filthy rich tennis star and wouldn't you make your old Ma and Da happy back in the old sod.

The old folks would be grovelling and the old nosey parker neighbours would be envious of your capture and sudden elevation into enormous wealth... Go on, give it a go; it's not like she's getting squillions of offers daily for her hand in marriage. The worst thing that could happen to you is you might get a backhander of a racquet in the gob and as long as you asked her in a dark alley or someplace like that no one would be the wiser.

Now I don't want to be writing about this situation again in another two years, so go on and make your country proud and this mega-rich tennis star an honest and happy woman.

Enough of that nonsense so let's talk about some other nonsense It was revealed in several reports last week what I had already said at the time, that the swine flu was a lame duck and not the galloping horse that the drug companies were pushing... So what's new?. Remember the other non runners: SARS, bird flu... all winners for the drug companies.

And what about the millennium bug? No pill could solve that problem. It was a case of replacing all computers and if not, all the planes were all going to fall out of the skies and anything with a chip in it was a potential diaster waiting to happen. Hence ten years later and we are all much wiser or are we?

No, no, we are still getting conned. No wonder the Nigerian scams are working so well. The western world has taught them well.

The Romanians and other eastern block countries are running amuck here in Australia with credit card scams together manipulating the bank's ATM machines. The banks are keeping tight-lipped about the scams for fear of the public might be losing confidence in their security systems. Identity theft is also becoming a major part of the crime scene Downunder.

While on the subject of crime and scams, are or are not we getting roasted by the climate change fraternity? The planet is overheating is it? Ask anyone in Ireland about this winter as to how hot or cold it was, and is, and as they were telling me in recent conversations it is and was the coldest in their lifetime.

The Australian climate watchers now tell us we are over the El Nino. Is this all another millennium bug, bird flu, SARS or swine flu beat up? The creditability of the organizations supplying information to the United Nations has been shattered lately so who do we turn to now for credible information, the "Tooth Fairy"?

I think if you look around long enough and talk to those climate gurus you will see a lot of Pinocchio noses about.

I'm not expecting you to be uplifted by this subject but I feel I wouldn't be doing my job right, or you justice, if I didn't call a spade a spade and a shovel a shovel. There is no way of dressing up scams and crime to be a happy subject. However, it is part of everyday life and it needs to be aired and debated not ignored.

I've said many times before "your gut feeling speaks volumes, don't be fooled by so called academic silver tongues with shiny wall plaques". Creditability comes from experience and longevity in one's fields and endeavours.

Laying my cards on the table I'm hot and I'm cold on climate control. Why you may well ask? Well look at Australia; we are looking to reducing our carbon emissions by 5% but we will still send record tons of coal to China which will boost theirs... is this Climate Control??

Until I talk to you again, be good to those who love you Slainte from Downunder!