The Shame Itself Doth Speak

"In these days of financial constraint and hardship, I accept that, viewed through the prism, some costs are excessive."
- A pompous windbag called John O'Donoghue.

"I must say I think the CEO of the HSE does a fantastic job"
- A woman in denial called Mary Harney.

"That this our court, infected with their manners...
Make it more like a tavern, or a brothel,
Than a grac'd palace."
- the genius of Shakespeare's "King Lear", where he described our blessed Dail Chambers.

By Charley Brady

Ah, there are those golden days when it is worth getting up in the morning. Last week, for me, it was the highlight of getting to watch Junket John O'Donoghue throwing his hissy fit - excuse me; I mean giving his resignation speech - in the hallowed Dail Chambers under the watchful eyes of his wife Kate Ann Freeload who had bagged herself one of the choice seats in the spectator gallery.

Well-fed jowls a-quiver, big red angry face glowering at all around him, he proceeded to give a bitch slap to all of those appalling people who had laid him low and brought him to this sorry state of whinging and crying.

Most unbefitting I must say for a dude dressed up in his best robes, paid for of course by the Irish taxpayer.

If he had an ounce of shame of course he would have delivered it with a balaclava over his head.

That's it, though, isn't it? None of them see what they have done wrong. Or if they do then they just don't care.

Completely unaware of the fact that the only one who had brought him down low was himself he spat out his invective, looking for all the world like a man who was chewing on a lemon filled with the kind of bees that had been bred with an extra-terrestrial poison from an old episode of "The X Files".

We're all to blame, you see. He manfully defended his right to travel the world with the fragrant Kate Ann, spending our money on everything from horse-racing to ludicrous tips in over- priced restaurant. And boy, was he astonishingly selective when it came to defending these parasitic junkets.

There were too many omissions to count but noticeable to me since I have a thing about his wife having her feedbag involved in this as well was the lack of explanation for her internal trips in Ireland.

In couched language he laid into that terrible Labour man Eamon Gilmore, who had demanded quite rightly that he do the right thing; and his eyes swivelled around the chambers, making others who may not have played the game squirm in their seats.

The place was packed for a change, by the way, so that will be more expenses; but it was pretty obvious to me that the main reason for this was that there were a hell of a lot of The League of Extraordinary Chancers who were afraid of being outed as having huge expenses themselves.

They couldn't possibly have as much, of course - the only man that O'Donoghue could acknowledge as his master in that regard would have to be the late Charles J. Haughey - but there was a palpable sense of relief at Speech's End that he hadn't named names.

After all, he's right about one thing: he's a scapegoat. There are very few of our elected officials who haven't played fast and loose with our money.

Of course the media were dragged into it. I get the feeling that most politicians think that we shouldn't write the truth about them.

Well, God knows that they have enough tame journalists who toe the party line for them; but at least we have the Gene Kerrigans, the Brenda Powers, the Richard Waghornes and others to balance that out a little.

The relief was so great among the shivering and scared politicians in fact that they actually gave Junket Johnnie a warm and enthusiastic handclap at the end of his self-serving, bitter, and petulant waffle.

Most hilariously of all we had the dreaded Beverly Flynn of Mayo jumping to her feet in order to try to get a bloody standing ovation going, if you can believe it?

No slouch at screwing the taxpayer herself she looked dementedly around the room to see who would join her but even this crowd of spineless saps weren't willing to push their heads over the parapet quite that far.

But with that applause we see clearly that the gap between the thinking of the politicians and the people in the street has never - NEVER - been so wide. This week I even heard it said that Irish politicians are held to be lower than lawyers and journalists.

Lower even than journalists. Bloody hell, that's food for thought.

And so another sad episode in Irish history came lurching to its conclusion with John holding his head high, aware of the shed load of loot he was leaving with for the gift of being an incompetent, greedy grasper of Dickensian proportions; and as he went off into the sunset I could only find myself wishing that he would trip on his expensive robes and go ass-over-teakettle down a flight of stairs.

If he had wanted to give us a nice farewell don't you think that he would have done a Bertie Ahern and at least have the decency to break his foot on the way out?

When I think of all the cash he has pocketed it would have been nice if the next photographs we saw of him were the great man hobbling along on crutches, perhaps assisted by Kate Ann Freeload. It's about time she earned her keep.

Or even better, being in traction. After all, at least with his severance pay he could afford the best of health care.

Although, being an astute operator, I'm quite sure he wouldn't pick Mary Harney's Third World Ireland to be treated in. Let's be honest, if you had the money, would you?

Talking of which, Mary Harney is keeping out of the ongoing row over HSE chief Professor Brendan Drumm being given a rather tasty €70,000 bonus on top of his existing €320,000 a year salary. The bonus dates back to the sterling and inspiring work that Professor Drumm did in 2007.

Well, not a lot happened that year, did it? Just the odd needless death, the usual mis- screenings in breast cancer diagnoses. You know, the usual stuff. No big deal, really. Well, not unless you're dead or living in fear of losing one or both breasts.

So naturally let's give him a bucket load of shekels. After all, the poor fellow might be feeling a bit bad that so many people are pissed off with him.

Poison Ivy Harney declared grandly: "The last thing we need is a meddling minister getting involved in contractual issues around individuals."

Funny, that. I would have thought that the FIRST thing that we need is the bloody MINISTER FOR HEALTH getting herself involved in a matter pertaining to Health!

Does she not realise how much good that money could do for a cash-strapped health care system that sees children lying suffering as they wait for operations that never come, while fat cats like Drumm trouser another pile of money for... for what, exactly? Being rubbish at his job?

He was given the chance to refuse the money and to donate it to where it could do some real good. He is supposed to be in the business of caring for the sick and dying, isn't he?

But hell no. He has made it clear that he is entitled (that word - again!) to it and will keep it.

Talking about the fight against more pay cuts and the lowering of conditions in the health service Liam Doran of the Irish Nurses Organisation said: "This is the most recent example of the blatant double standards which are now the norm in Irish society. This practise sees senior management protect their interests while imposing savage and damaging cuts on their staff. The INO will now be insisting that the HSE adopt the same approach to our members as it has to its CEO and withdraw the threat of further cuts to existing pay and conditions."

As it happens it's only a couple of years ago that Drumm himself was questioning the wisdom of these bonuses and 2007 was also the year when an embargo on hiring frontline medical staff was introduced.

Strange country, isn't it?

Still, just when you think that the world can't possibly get more hilarious we have the British Government shelling out endless wads of money as if they think they're Irish.

I'm talking about those fearless thugs -sorry, Freedom Fighters - of the Irish National Liberation Army putting down their weapons this week because they have just taken a deal from the Brits that gives them £7.5 million a year on condition that they don't shoot or blow anybody up.

The Irish government is also involved, needless to say, and we'll be setting free at least twenty-eight of these murderous bastards at a shopping mall near you in the near future.

Christ, they'll probably get the Nobel Peace Price. Stranger things have happened.

The loot goes to the Irish Republican Socialist Party, the mainstream party of the thugs. You couldn't make it up.

It's amazing to me how these Irish Freedom Fighters will take the Queen's Greasy Shilling at the drop of a hat.

Why am I so cynical? That's why.

Letting geniuses like this loose is just a great act of diplomacy. After all they managed to kill in their endless internal fighting 16 republican paramilitaries - oh, yeah, that included ten of their own bunch.

Jeez, if it weren't so damned pathetic and sad I would be laughing instead of crying.

As always I' d like to give a "thank you" to the many people who contact me. I must confess that I had expected a lot of stick over my throw- away remarks on Mother Teresa last week, but it didn't really happen.

I never liked the woman when she was alive and don't see any point in changing that now that she has passed on to her reward.

If you are interested in the other side of her workings check out "The Missionary Position" by Christopher Hitchens. He is the journalist who was asked by the Vatican to be Devil's Advocate when her canonisation was proposed.

Although I knew a lot of the details already what Hitchens comes up with is certainly going to take a lot of people by surprise.

The flip side of this is- and I'm genuinely puzzled - the rants that I received because I had said that I find Marilyn Manson a really intriguing and highly intelligent guy. You are all odd in the best possible way so keep in contact.

And I hope, as always, to see you next week.

Same bat-time!

Same bat-channel!

You can reach Charley at chasbrady7@eircom.net