Joe Kavanagh's Music News

U2 have come under fire from ecology groups for the adverse affects that their current 100-date global tour will have on the environment, their actions made all the more hypocritical given Bono's penchant for preaching how we should all look after the planet from a stage that's lit up like a forest of Rockerfeller Christmas trees. Speaking to the Belfast Telegraph, spokesperson for Carbonfootprint.com, Helen Roberts was quoted as saying: "The carbon footprint generated by U2's 44 concerts this year is equal to carbon created by the four band members travelling the 34.125 million miles from Earth to Mars in a passenger plane. You also have to add the carbon emissions from the same number of concerts again next year. Just looking at the 44 concerts this year, the band will create enough carbon to fly all 90,000 people attending one of their Wembley concerts (in London) to Dublin. To offset this year's carbon emissions, U2 would need to plant 20,118 trees." Given the band's apparent proclivity for developing whatever land they can get their hands on, I'd imagine Miss Roberts could be waiting a while for so much as a shrub...

Irish indie-rockers Ash are set to embrace the internet age beginning this October when they permanently set aside the album format, and instead release a slew of singles over the course of the following 12 months. Speaking to Bang Showbiz, front man, Tim Wheeler claimed: "We've already recorded 44 tracks and we're going to do more as well, because we're experimenting a lot. About half of them are at the level we need them to be. When we're releasing that many songs in a year, we need to be pleased with them. We'll probably have done about 55 or so by October." The band maintain that their plan is to release a single every two weeks for a year, conjuring up memories of when Scottish rockers Wedding Present released a single every month for the duration of 1992. This is the type of project that could see the Downpatrick act return to relevance after a few fallow years, and is certainly a chance worth taking...

According to reports in the UK media, representatives of US TV channel, NBC, were in the UK recently in order to watch co-host of the X-Factor, Cheryl Cole, with a view to bringing her over to the US for a similar position on sister show, American Idol. In the words of a source close to the negotiations: "They were bowled over by Cheryl and thought she was beautiful, sassy, smart and charismatic. There was just one small problem - they couldn;t understand her accent." I'd imagine that not being able to understand her Geordie accent might pose some kind of a problem, given that she is there for her opinions and I'm sure US viewers would find it hard to understand phrases such as: "Way-ay like, pipe doon and I'll tell ya summit for nowt, ya divint 'av a gid voice so get oot me hooos. I'm off ootside for a tab, like." So determined is Cole to make it in the US that she is apparently going to take elocution lessons in an effort to tone down her accent. The last time someone was this desperate for a bit of attention in the US, we had to look at David and Victoria Beckham sprawled all over each other in their cacks. Simon Cowell is reportedly determined that Cole joins him as a judge on next season's American Idol...

While we are on the subject of Simon Cowell, his former girlfriend of 16 years, singer Sinitta claimed that the music mogul was a habitual cheater throughout the course of their relationship, telling Heat Radio: "He was a horrible cheat. He was always disappearing and stuff, you know, and I'd have to work and he'd almost be laughing as he waved me off on a plane to Japan, like, 'Great, I'm going to have a really good time while you're away.; I'd be crying he'd be laughing! He reckons that I broke his heart, but he definitely broke mine. We'd break up because he'd do something awful and I'd go off and find somebody else. Then he'd see me with somebody else and not like that and wait for it to fall apart. He'd do weird things to p**s my boyfriend off, and then, of course, I'd go back to him." I wonder what it was about his money that made her go back every time? She went on to explain how she met Cowell while he was dating one of her friends, claiming: "I had a huge crush on him. He actually liked a friend of mine, who was triple timing him, and he just really surprised me one day, by saying, 'You know what, I don't really like her, it's you I like.' You know when you don't kind of believe it, because we were such buddies?" It actually sounds like they deserved each other to be honest...

Organizers of last weekend's T in the Park music festival in Scotland launched an appeal for people to abstain from using drugs over the course of the weekend, which is certainly a laudable initiative on their behalf but brings to mind images of King Canute sitting on his throne, neck deep in water, as he tried to stop the tide. Police have even gone to the trouble of installing drug amnesty bins, where revelers can drop off their stash without any fear of being arrested. Again, I would imagine that once dark falls, gig goers will be like cat burglars attempting to get at those bins and by the end of proceedings there'll probably be more tunnels there than at the border of the Gaza strip...

Natalia Imbruglia is attempting to raise awareness for a condition known as fistula, which causes a hole in a woman's birth canal, as a result of childbirth without assistance. The Australian singer/actress (both those titles are a reach right now to be honest) traveled to Geneva last week, where she visited the UN offices in an effort to highlight the relatively unknown affliction. I can't help but think that perhaps they might need someone with a little more star power than Natalia Imbruglia if they are serious about bringing the plight of these sufferers to the masses. I also can't help but wonder if they couldn't devise a better word for the condition than 'fistula', because that sounds like something that porn stars might suffer from near the end of their careers...

Heather Mills was in the news again last week, telling anyone that would listen about how great her life is now that she swindled, excuse me, exacted a divorce settlement of almost 40 million dollars from Paul McCartney last year. The former glamour model claims that she is "asked out all the time" by men, telling an interviewer: "I've got so many stunning girlfriends who can't get a boyfriend. But when I go out, I get asked out all the time, and my girlfriends - who are better looking than me - say, 'How the hell does that happen?!' Maybe it's because I'm comfortable with myself." If Heather took the time to look closely at their eyes, I'm pretty sure she could see the dollar signs in them (like the ones she had in hers when she locked on to Macca) because I can't see how any of those dudes want to be with her for her bunny-boiler personality, that's for damn sure. That girl sounds crazier than the resident pet parrot at a funny farm...

Kelly Osbourne spent much of last week attempting to back pedal furiously out of words which were attributed to her, regarding singer Lady Ga Ga. Reporters for UK tabloid The Mirror, recently spoke to Osbourne outside a London club, where they quoted her as saying: "She's a Butter Face. She has everything but the face. She reminds me of Peaches Geldof. I love Lady GaGa's tracks but I just wish she'd keep her mouth shut. She talks way too much and has too much attitude. It's starting to make me go off her." Is it just me or does Kelly Osbourne have no self-awareness because those words should be pointed at herself, if anyone. By the way, for those of you that don't know, a Butter Face is someone with a great body and horrible face, as in: "Her body's to die for, but her face looks like a baboon's behind." Osbourne claims that she was misquoted, telling PerezHilton.com: "I have a big mouth and that's no secret. I often say things that get me into trouble but I always stand by them. But when words are being put into my mouth and things are being printed that I did not say it really makes me really mad. I am a huge fan of Lady GaGa. If anything I'm slightly jealous of her wardrobe and I am definitely in no position to be calling anyone a butter face." That's for damn sure because Kelly Osbourne is at least two - but possibly - three-bagger fugly, but I'll let you all work that definition out for yourselves. Answers on a postcard to...