Will The Last Fianna Fail Member To Leave The Country Turn Out The Lights?

By Charley Brady
"The beatings will continue until morale improves."
- Quote of unknown origin

Ah, happy days. For once my little pot of vitriol has been laid aside. There's a smile on my face (not a pretty sight, I can assure you) and apart from my bank balance all is well with the world.

Indeed I may just do a Julie Andrews impersonation shortly, singing that the hills are alive with the sound of music instead of mucus.

Yes, that's how good I'm feeling today.

The permanently grinning death mask that is Herr Pope Benedict XVI is on the defensive, since he, in his innocence didn't know how much rape, theft, fornicating and stealing money was going on in the name of his church in Ireland.

I'm losing count: how many commandments have they broken lately?

But the genie is out of the bottle, Bennie. It's going to take one hell of a stopper to put that one back in again.

What is there not to be happy about?

As I write this the election results are not all in yet but guess what? The people actually have found a pair for a change and have shown the crooks and shoddy conmen of Fianna Fail their new find by decimating their ranks countrywide.

Even better, the limp Green Party who sold their souls to Fianna Fail in order to be put into power with them are all but wiped out.

This is particularly satisfying, as I actually hate the Green Party even more than I do the Fianna Failures. With the Soldiers of Destiny you expect, sleaze, robbery, corruption and the middle finger put to the electorate. But the Greens?

They've ponced around for years, waving their ethics at us while telling us how morally superior they were to just about everyone on the planet. Yet as soon as they were given a chance to share power they did a U-turn and abandoned every single principle they had supposedly stood for. Even after it became obvious that they were only there to be told what to do by their insatiable masters they clung on, having developed a taste for corruption as every person does who comes in contact with FF.

So now the people have shown their disgust at being put out of work while also having every new tax the government can dream up being imposed on them. They have voted in Fianna Gaelers, Independents, Socialists, the Labour Party and just about anyone who is not associated with the dreaded FFers.

As FF were destroyed in the local elections and lost both Dublin by-elections it became clear that this was the biggest rout in their history. It gives me a thrill just writing that.

But wait! I have the binoculars out and trained on a lonely figure limping along in the distance. Yes, it's ex-Taoiseach Bertie Ahern's - who left in disgrace after his shady money dealings became known - brother Maurice. This is exciting, as he's supposed to be keeping the Ahern tradition alive in Dublin. What's he doing so far back there?

Oh! I see! He's just been eliminated and booted out at the fifth count!

Couldn't happen to a nicer guy. I wonder did going on the radio and denouncing all of those on the unemployment line as "work shy" have anything to do with it. I know that in Galway where men and women in their fifties and who have worked all of their lives just to find themselves thrown aside, weren't too pleased at the arrogant pipsqueak.

Another man who was none to pleased was film- maker Ken Loach who was having a premier for his film "Looking for Eric" last week. To his horror Bertie and Maurice turned up, photo opportunity chancers that they both are, waving a GAA shirt in the direction of the soccer star-turned-actor Eric Cantona. Cantona looked bemused, possibly wondering where these two gougers had escaped from and were they dangerous.

Left-wing director Loach, however, was more annoyed at what he saw as a dodgy right-wing politico like Bertie trying to hijack his film.

So goodbye and mind how you go, Maurice. Don't let the door bang you on the ass on your way out.

Ah, happy days!

Meanwhile, despite the severe kicking he has received, Brian Cowen, like some bizarre Nero figure continues playing while Rome burns. He's simply refusing to go, no matter what message we are sending him. He's like a King Canute, attempting to turn back the tide of history.

Well, Nero Cowen, we'll see. We'll see.

I have to send this copy in before the announcement of the European Elections but at the moment Libertas founder Declan Ganley has upset and confounded the many people who hate him for being an individual and who launched such an intense smear campaign of lies and innuendo against him by giving a strong performance. He now looks like a serious contender and my fingers are crossed for later on in the day.

Of course his particularly strong showing in the Galway area is being interpreted by Dublin as those Culchies (derived from "agricultural workers" and usually meant disparagingly) putting the boot into the Dublin pundits.

What a country. It would fit on the back of a postage stamp and yet the rural/city divide continues. If we could only get over that and work together we could really do some good here. Still, everybody seems to be united in his or her detestation of the government this time.

Another event that has united people in the last couple of weeks is the Volvo Ocean Boat Race. What a truly magnificent occasion this has turned out to be.

The race began in Spain last October and has seen the crews of the various boats visiting South Africa, India, Singapore, China, Brazil and America.

The Irish leg is based in Galway and they have really done the country proud. The crews of all the boats were stunned at the welcome that they got, with thousands of people lining the quays to see the Irish 11-member "Green Dragon" arriving at half-past-three in the morning. Wonderful.

A special "village" was set up at the harbour and provided free rides and entertainment throughout the days and nights. People from all over the country arrived in Galway to celebrate a truly unique occasion and to hear bands such as Aslan, Sharon Shannon, The Sawdoctors, The Stunning and many, many more.

The festive feeling was enhanced by the weather, which almost magically stayed hot for all of the two weeks that the boats were berthed here, often rising to twenty-eight degrees.

I offer no apologies for the superlatives as there was a smile on every face that was a pure pleasure to see.

Best of all is that shopkeepers, resteraunts and bars resisted the urge - and I have to say I didn't anticipate this - to jack up their prices and rip people off. Sometimes humanity pleasantly surprises me. Not often, but in this case it was great to be wrong. On the occasions that I went in to town - and the best way to do this was by the coaches, that had actually lowered their prices for the fortnight - I saw no evidence of drunkenness nor did I hear of any pickpockets which I had rather expected.

It was a real family event by day and a chance for people to let their hair down and to hear some great music by night.

The choice of food available would have satisfied any taste. My own personal favourite was a platter of seafood that included prawns, crab claws, smoked salmon and brown bread which, along with half-a-dozen oysters would only set the pocket back by €13. There are places where you couldn't buy a starter for that.

Another huge hit was a stall selling enormous tiger prawns and delicious garlic baby potatoes for just €10. Really excellent value, and a wonderful couple of weeks.

Ian Walker, the skipper of the Green Dragon, said last week: "Everyone at Green Dragon and the other teams are blown away by the reception we continue to receive here in Galway. This has been the best stopover by far and I am so pleased that we can be part of it."

Yet there always, it seems, has to be a dark place and in this case it was very dark indeed when 20-year-old Kieran Cunningham of Claregalway was stabbed to death after leaving a nightclub.

It is a terrible thing to happen at any time but made more poignant by the fact that every one else has so enjoyed what Galway has had to offer these past weeks. What kind of a person goes out for the evening armed with a knife is beyond me so all I can do is offer my sincere condolences to the young man's parents.

That's it for now. I'm off to hear the rest of the results coming in and slightly amused to have almost done a happy column for a change; but normal service will no doubt be resumed next week and I hope to see you then.

Same bat-time!

Same bat-channel!

You can reach Charley at chasbrady7@eircom.net