G'Day From Downunder

What are you waiting for, get the kettle hopping off the gas for a cup of tea and we'll get going.

You'll have to forgive me this week as I am writing slower in a mournful sort of way; so you have to read a bit slower so as we can be in sync so to speak, are you with me? Don't all shout together asking why? Give me a chance to get my first mouthful of tea and wet my whistle.

Ever since I was a lad in the good old days back in Ireland - that must have been when Paddy McCarthy's ass was only the size of a shirt button and before he ever started saving all his pounds, shillings and pence in that old bunged up drum kit of his - I was a dedicated Munster Rugby team fanatic; now I did not say fan, I said fanatic.

So have any of you picked up on the clue yet as to my dilemma? I am not disappointed, I am not upset, I am not angry, I am not sad.

What I am is enormously devastated that they lost their European Cup Semi-Final to fellow Irishmen Leinster 25-6.

I am shattered! I have travelled to all four of their finals and was so, so looking forward to the men in red holding The Holy Grail aloft in Edinburgh on Saturday May 23 about 7pm then off for a few gargles to savour the win (not to mention the chance of looking up a few kilts or maybe skirts and savouring the haggis) after travelling half way round the world, but alas it is not to be.

Instead on May 23 I will now be watching Leinster and Leicester on TV at some ridiculous hour of the morning due to the time difference, half dazed with a cup of Irish tea in one hand and the unfamiliar blue flag of Leinster in the other hand.

I do understand how Richard Harris and Peter O'Tool were so passionate about Munster. They were regular attendees at their matches; but I have no doubt that I hold the record for most miles travelled to see the men in red play - just about 20,000 miles in the round trip every time I go there.

No doubt I will be sulking like a baby for a week or two and then the light of hope will come on for next year when it all starts over again. Meanwhile the world continues to go round.

I have had a number of calls and hits regarding my last article on rumours of Paddy McCarthy's new found wealth.

One enquiry came from a lovely fellow in Russia called Ivan asking me if I could pass on Paddy's details. He wished to call upon him and help relieve him of his financial burden. He sounds like a real good old soul of a fellow. I think he called his company Mafioso or something like that, sounds like a mattress manufacture to me.

Another asked me if he wanted a bigger set of drums and they would take away the old ones for nothing as they were stuffed anyway. That sounds really generous don't you think?

The understanding here in the land of Oz is that the Swine Flu was caused by politicians who had their noses stuck in the trough for far too long and passed the virus on to unsuspecting others possibly, by interminable handshaking and baby kissing. Do they have time to wash? How else could such a well titled flu get to us poor suckers?

It sure explains how the world got into such a financial mess with none of the pollies keeping their eyes on the bankers because their snouts were stuck in the trough getting Swine Flu.

Now I'm worried in case the pigs caught anything from the pollies. If so it would be a disaster.

I certainly could live without the pollies but I don't know if I could survive without my Sunday morning bacon. The accompanying sausages and eggs would never look the same on their own.

I know after all of this panic about Swine Flu is over, the drug companies will have made more squillions of dollars out of their anti-flu shots.

The world will return to normal but if all the poor pigs are wiped out and go to pig heaven because of contamination from the pollies, the world would never return to normal without bacon.

Come on now it's true, we Irish were raised on good old fatty bacon. It was the next best thing to breast feeding. Don't you remember those good old rasher sandwiches? No respectable Corkman or woman would deny being fed a decent amount of bacon weekly.

We were, and are, a nation of bacon lovers with our national dish being bacon and cabbage and one of our most famous sayings being 'Ah sure isn't he as Irish as Paddy's Pigs'.

It's no laughing matter; I don't want those dirty politicians sticking their snouts in our pigs troughs, God only knows what they might pick up from them, nothing smart I can tell you.

Now what else can I tell you? Oh yes, the rains came and oh my God not too soon either.

Now isn't nature quirky? A few months back we were almost roasted to a cinder like the Christmas Turkey and last week the heavens opened and nearly drowned us all. I was going to go outside to build an Ark for the couple of chicks I have in the back yard.

Now I'm not complaining. The rains are most welcome and long overdue. Coming from Ireland which gets more than it's share of water falling from the sky and fed up of looking out the window at in my younger days, I now find it ironic to forever be praying for rain.

Our reservoirs here are less than 25% full and we are still on water restrictions in spite of the recent downpours.

The problem we have here is that where the recent bush fires were, the top soils are now being washed away by the rains. Isn't it the same old story, it never rains but it pours?

I will leave you with a couple of thoughts before I go. Don't let Paddy McCarthy's fortune stop him from buying you a drink next time you see him. Vote for pigs because they don't poke their snouts in Politicians' troughs. And lastly, remember us poor Munster fanatics in your prayers, as our pain lingers on.

Until I talk to you again make sure you eat lots of Irish bacon since doing so will restart the Irish economy, and be good to those who love you.

Slainte from Downunder.

You can get hold of me at mike.globefins@westnet.com