Joe Kavanagh's Music News

According to reports in the media last week, Michael Jackson is allegedly furious after his name was linked with the IRA, during a broadcast of a recent British radio show. I should hasten to add that it was not alleged that Jackson was ever a member of the IRA, but rather comedians Steve Punt and Hugh Dennis were quoted on their popular BBC show as saying : "I can't believe which 80s celebrities I want back less. Michael Jackson or the IRA." The comment apparently outraged the singer, so it probably didn't help when the BBC advertised the show on their website with the following statement: "Steve Punt and Hugh Dennis discuss the return to Britain of undesirables, from Michael Jackson to the IRA." An unnamed source close to the singer told the Daily Mirror: "Michael was told about the comments and was appalled. It was a disgusting slur. To compare him to cold-blooded murderers is not funny, it is highly offensive." Some people find middle-aged men sleeping with the children of strangers highly offensive too, but it all boils down to a matter of opinion, apparently. If I were living in Michael Jackson's glass house, I certainly wouldn't engage a couple of comedians in a stone throwing contest because there'd only be one outcome. The singer purportedly complained to the promotional company behind his upcoming London dates, AEG Live, and wants them to seek a full apology from the BBC. I also read last week where AEG claimed that Jackson's upcoming 50 dates at London's 02 Arena will generate over $500 million for the local economy. Given that the O2 holds 20,000 people, that would mean that each punter will spend an average of $500 on the night of the gig. I didn't think so either. Who does AEG's figures, the accountants from Enron?...

Ireland's annual glorified major label tradeshow, a.k.a. the Meteor Awards, took place last week, an event that is more predictable than a boxing match at the Bergen Hunt and Fish Club. The night's biggest winners were Irish act, The Script, (huge surprise there) who walked away with gongs for Best Band and Best Irish Album, while Westlife won the award for Best Irish Pop Act for the ninth successive year. Other winners included Elbow (Best International Band) Mick Flannery (Best Irish Male), Imelda May (Best Irish Female) and Wallis Bird (Hope For 2009)...

The Edge is in trouble with his neighbors after unveiling plans to build houses on a 1,000 acre development near his Malibu home. Infuriated local residents claim that the development will destroy views, ruin a local archery club and have a "disastrous effect on wildlife". The U2 guitarist, real name David Evans, had yet to respond to criticism at the time of going to press but it does make you wonder, just how much money do the members of U2 need in life? I would have thought a couple of hundred million was enough for any citizen...

Manchester United football player, Cristiano Ronaldo, told a journalist recently that he is considering a move into the world of music after the curtain falls on his soccer career. The current World Footballer of the Year claimed: "Somebody mentioned to me a few years ago that it would be a great idea if myself, the Brazilian Ronaldo and Ronaldinho made a band called The Three Rs. I loved the idea, it was so funny. I'll mention it to them when I retire, we might even have a No. 1. I don't know what the other two would like to do but it would be brilliant if I was lead singer. You never know, I will have to do something after football." A good idea? I'm guessing that it was some football toady because nobody who knows anything about music would ever suggest such an aberration. Anyway, I would have thought that acting would have been closer to his calling if he wanted to pursue the arts because the way he dives and goes down like he's been hit by a bus at the slightest contact is often worthy of an Oscar. Paraphrasing retired Irish footballer, Ronnie Whelan, who claimed that his wife was once vacuuming in their living room and Ronaldo fell over on the pitch when she accidentally knocked against the television...

Quirky electro-rocker, Lady Ga Ga claims that she is ga ga about Britain's controversial, mildly racist and party-loving, Prince Harry. Speaking last week, the singer, real name Stefani Germanotta, told an interviewer: "I spotted him last year in a club and couldn't take my eyes off him. British men are cool. I especially love the accent and Prince Harry sounds so posh. He's definitely handsome but I could never give up my leather and lace for the royal family." She mightn't have to give up the leather and lace given the proclivities of Prince Harry for dressing up in full Gestapo regalia. Anyone that knows anything about the Nazis will tell you that they were fond of leather and lace. Well, that and a spot of wholesale industrial slaughter...

Dead Or Alive front man, Pete Burns claims that he is "critically ill" after recently undergoing four hours of surgery on his ailing kidneys. The singer made the claims on his personal blog while resting up in a London hospital, where he is expected to remain for the foreseeable future. Burns is currently awaiting a $1.85 million payout after successfully taking legal action against a plastic surgeon, whom the singer accused of botching up cosmetic surgery to enhance his lips. Burns maintained that the results of the slipshod surgery made him "suicidal", which is a little bizarre given the fact that he rivals Jocelyn Wildensteain in the strange-looking stakes. This is a man who has undergone more corrective surgery than Steve Austin and has, among other things, cheek implants and a set of boobs...

Former Spice Girl, Melanie Brown, has offered advice to Girls Aloud member, Cheryl Cole, after it emerged that the latter is currently exploring the possibility of cracking the US music market, under the guidance of Black Eyed Peas rapper/producer, Will I Am. Brown, whose career has taken off in the States of late, says: "Brits can do well out here if they have drive, talent and determination, and it seems she has. The only advice I'd give is that out here, you have to prove yourself. You can't just come out and tell everyone you're going to be a star. She should get her vocal cords in order and blast herself off with a big show." Alternately, Cole could take Brown's route, which requires nothing in the way of discernible talent. That method involves having a child by a superstar Hollywood actor who once claimed to have picked up a transvestite hooker because she looked like she needed a ride, and he meant ride in the American sense as opposed to the Irish sense. I'm just saying...

Liam Gallagher has become the latest celebrity to launch his own fashion line, with the announcement that he has formed a clothing company called Pretty Green. A statement released by the Oasis front man read in part: "Clothes and music are my passion. I'm not here to rip anyone off and I'm not doing it for the money either. I'm doing it cuz there's a lack of stuff out there of the things I would wear." Grammar and syntax certainly aren't among his passions anyway...

Mitch Winehouse has publicly rebuked his daughter Amy, for her ongoing efforts at patching things up with husband, Blake Fielder-Civil. Speaking to the UK media last week, the troubled singer's father declared: "Amy wants to resolve the situation. She's guilty of loving him, stupid girl! I'm not saying she's going back to him, she just wants to talk. I want her to get divorced. I want Blake and his family out of our lives. I just hope Amy can stay away from him. It's the only chance she has. Blake's a destructive influence on her life. This is the man who openly admitted he introduced Amy to Class A drugs. Amy nearly ended up dead thanks to him. This is the man who kicked a barman so hard he needed his face rebuilt. He's after £5 million. Does he think we're idiots?" It kind of amuses me the way everyone appears to treat Amy Winehouse like she is some kind of tear away teenager who is not really responsible for her actions. This is a fully-grown 25-year-old woman capable of making her own choices. I'm not saying Fielder-Civil deserves too much sympathy, but he can't take the blame for all her woes and I would imagine that if I were in prison looking at photos of my newly wed wife cavorting with topless men, I might be angry enough to divorce her and take some of her cheese. As Chris Rock says: "I'm not saying it's right, but I understand!"