Joe Kavanagh's Music News

The biggest news story in European music last week was the imprisonment of Boy George, who was sent to pokey for 15 months, as the result of his recent conviction for false imprisonment. The singer, real name George O'Dowd, was found guilty of imprisoning male escort, Audun Carlsen, in April of 2007, though the ex-Culture Club front man denied the charge and claimed that Carlsen stole files from his computer. Ironically, in a case of life imitating art, the video for the track that made Boy George a superstar across the globe, Do You Really Want To Hurt Me? featured him in court and spending time in a prison cell. If any of his fellow prisoners do in fact harbor notions of hurting the singer, they would do well to remember that he was a talented boxer in his youth, and I would imagine that there are few things more embarrassing behind bars than getting seven different colors beaten out of you by a guy wearing lipstick and mascara...

Speaking of celebrities behind bars, Bryan Ferry's thuggish son, Otis Ferry, was released on bail from the cell where he has been languishing for the past three-plus months, stemming from assault and robbery charges. Ferry junior is an outspoken advocate for fox hunting, which has been banned in England and Wales since 2004 (Scotland banned it in 2002), earning him multiple arrests and making him the face of fox hunting in the UK. He is charged with assaulting two women and taking their video camera because the pair were filming questionable behavior at a so-called "drag-hunt" where an artificial scent is followed. Ferry recently wrote a letter to Horn & Hound magazine where he claimed: "Contrary to popular belief, prison life is not tough and in this namby-pamby society we even get our own televisions." If it's not so tough then why has he been calling his mother and begging her to get him out of there because she's been in an out of court more times than Pete Doherty in order to secure his release. Otis Ferry apparently views himself as a martyr for a cause and has continually stated that he will fight the ban until it is lifted. Most of us view him as a misguided toff with too much free time on his well-manicured hands, who should really dedicate himself to something other than terrorizing an animal. Surely there are more worthy causes, even for a man of his challenged intellect...

British tabloid, the Daily Mirror has found the culprit for the current global financial meltdown and it is none other than one David Bowie, real name David Jones. According to a Mirror columnist, in 1997 Bowie came up with the idea of "Bowie Bonds" whereby he sold ten years worth of future royalties on 287 of his songs for a fee of $55 million, after which time he would begin collecting the royalties again. Intrigued by the notion, banks soon followed the model, selling on the mortgages of customers for one time pay-offs, which gave the purchaser a regular income as long as mortgage payments rolled in. The problem arose when banks began giving mortgages to people who were unable to meet the payments, leading us into the quagmire we now find ourselves in. It would therefore have been better for us all if Bowie had never conceived the idea in the first place. And while we're at it, we'd all have been better off if he never conceived Tin Machine and the version of Dancing In The Streets that he did with Mick Jagger either...

Andy Rourke has apparently dashed any hopes of a reunion by seminal UK act, The Smiths, after deciding to take on a new job with US company, The Music Box. The former bassist for The Smiths, will head up the A&R division of the music marketing firm, where he will be charged with seeking out and nurturing new talent. Rumors had been circulating that the band might reform later this year, as Morrissey and Johnny Marr had recently made noises that seemed to suggest that they would not be averse to sharing a stage for the first time in over 20 years...

Welsh singing sensation, Duffy has been chosen to be the new face of Diet Coke, for an upcoming marketing campaign. After her comments last week, Lily Allen sort of became the new face of coke too but I'm talking about the Colombian marching powder kind, as opposed to the sugary kind that you drink or use to clean your toilet bowl depending on your inclination... While we're on the subject of Lily Allen, the BBC announced last week that they have cancelled plans for another series of her talk show, despite initially saying that they intended bringing it back. Of course, Allen's people have been giving it their own spin, saying that she is too busy with the upcoming release of her second album, but the truth is that it was so bad that even she only gave it "five out of ten", which was rather charitable. Having seen it myself, my initial thoughts circled around regret, at the fact that it was half an hour of my life that I would never have back. Not since Chevy Chase has someone stunk out a talk show studio that badly. Maybe even ALF...

Staying on the matter of terrible talk show hosts, last week Sharon Osbourne was awarded damages in her legal action against UK tabloid, The Sun, due to an article that the paper had published in October of 2007 alleging that she was working her husband to death. In addition to the financial settlement, the newspaper was also ordered to pay all her legal costs and issue a full apology. If they had used the phrase "milking" they would have saved themselves a lot of money. In the old days Sharon would have sent them a box of her own feces, which - according to her own children - is how she used to deal with journalists that gave her husband bad reviews. Classy lady...

The Israeli entry in the Eurovision Song Contest has now become the latest victim of the current Gaza crisis, with what was initially conceived as an act of unity now turning into a political hot potato. Israeli Arab Christian singer, Mira Awad is currently due to perform a duet with Israeli Jewish singer, Achinoam Nini (known as Noa to much of her audience), at the contest, which is due to be held in Moscow this coming May. Noa was initially chosen to represent Israel as a solo act but only agreed to participate on the condition that she be allowed to perform a duet with her friend, Awad. The act of harmony is now under threat after several prominent Israeli and Arab artists wrote an open letter to the latter last week, which read in part: "The Israeli government is sending the two of you to Moscow as part of its propaganda machine that is trying to create the appearance of Jewish-Arab 'co-existence' under which it carries out the daily massacre of Palestinian civilians. Israel would not be able to proceed with its war crimes without the support of the international community and the United States and European Union in particular." Sadly, even an act of unity can lead to bitter divisions in that part of the world...

Gary "kiddie-fiddler" Glitter has dropped his appeal against being put on the sex offender's register in the UK, which seems about right considering he was convicted of engaging in sexual acts with children. Glitter, real name Paul Gadd, was released from a Vietnamese prison in August after serving two years for his crimes and also spent two months in prison in the UK, in 1999, when his computer was found to have illegal pornographic images of children. Quite how he thought he had any chance of getting off the register is anyone's guess because he seems to be exactly the type of creep it was set up to protect children from. The register will keep a record of his date of birth, national insurance number and also compels him to notify police if he intends to travel anywhere for more than three days. Police can prevent him traveling anywhere if they feel he will present a risk to children, which pretty much puts him behind the eight ball. If I had my druthers, I'd allow him travel freely in the countryside, if he agrees to be glued into a fox suit. Then I'd let Otis Ferry and his snooty friends chase him around on horseback, shouting all manner of things like "Tally ho chaps, I say old boy, that last shot was rather spiffing and jolly well might have hit the blighter right in his posterior, what-what!" That way everyone's happy.