Joe Kavanagh's Music News

The New York Times has announced that Bono is to write a column for their esteemed newspaper, beginning this January, presumably on his experiences in working to alleviate poverty in the Third World. While speaking to students in Columbia's School of Journalism last week, Times editorial page editor, Andrew Rosenthal, claimed that the U2 singer has signed on to write 6-10 articles and added that Bono will be working "for nothing", which coincidentally appears to be about the same value that George W. Bush places on Bono's advice...

A new train took up service in Liverpool this week, named after one of the city's most celebrated sons: John Peel. The train went into service last Thursday and will carry commuters around the city that was so central to the identity of the legendary DJ. Peel died suddenly at the age of 65, as the result of a massive heart attack while vacationing with his family in October of 2004. Although I suggested that a nice symbolic act would have been to tie James Blunt and Celine Dion to the tracks for the train's maiden voyage, I didn't hear anything back from local authorities... I did, however, get a call from the police... And not the band The Police, which would have been fine because Sting was actually next on my list...

In a week where still more youths were imprisoned or died, as the result of knife-crime in Ireland and the UK, songstress, Kate Perry, has caused an absolute outrage with her preposterous decision to strike a pose in a provocative manner while holding a knife in a new promotional photograph. At a time when musicians, governments and ordinary civilians are doing everything in their power to stem the ever-increasing incidence of knife-crime among youths, Perry's actions are nothing short of reprehensible and a fair indicator that she has roughly the same IQ as rat droppings. Shame, shame...

Former Spice Girl, Geri Halliwell, revealed that she has begun writing a screenplay for an animated movie which will be based on her recent series of children's books, following the adventures of Eugenia Lavender. She also made known her lofty ambitions when it comes time to choosing the cast she has in mind for the project, saying that she would like Brad Pitt and George Clooney to provide voices for the characters. Hey, I'd like Frank Gehry to design my dog's house and Michelangelo to paint my living room but I'm quite certain that's not going to happen either...

Ron Wood's manager of 22 years is set to blow the lid off some salacious Rolling Stones secrets, with the release of a new tell-all book titled: 50 Teabags and a Bottle of Rum. Extracts from Nick Cowan's tome have already appeared in UK tabloid The Sun, detailing one particular incident back in 1981 when Woods and guitarist, Keith Richards went on a 48-hour vodka and cocaine binge. Cowan writes: "I am able to slip back to my hotel in the early mornings without attracting too much attention, but by Friday, with a show scheduled for the next day we persuade both of them to take to their beds. There is one problem - Keith is so overhyped from his intake of the past few days that he's unable to sleep. Sessler (a doctor) is summoned and administers a powerful sleeping pill which has the desired effect." In fact, the pill evidently had so good an effect that they were unable to awaken Richard for the gig and were forced to call the doctor again so he could rouse Richards from his slumber with a shot of adrenaline. Cowan recalled: "It transpires that there were enough barbiturates in the sleeping pill to anaesthetize a horse!" Keith Richards and Ron Wood on drink and drugs? Wow, you'd never think it to look at them...

Pink, has lashed out at the Royal Family over their ongoing refusal to respond to a letter she wrote to them some time ago, urging them to stop hunting and requesting that the Queen's guards refrain from using real bear fur in their iconic headwear. The sultry singer recalled turning down Prince William's request for her to play at his birthday party in 2001, saying: "He wanted me to play a concert for his 21st birthday but I wrote back, saying I wouldn't until he explained why he went hunting. I'm still waiting for a reply to my letter to Prince William." The singer added: "I don't get that we can't question people because of their position in society. I want to make people think about their responsibilities. I don't care if they have a crown." In all fairness, Queen Elizabeth and the rest of her Greco-German family don't even listen to their own subjects, so there is very little hope of them paying attention to a girl from Redneckville Pennsylvania. Perhaps if you dressed up as a talking plant then you might get through to Prince Charles who is known for talking to his flowers and certainly is equipped with the ears to listen to them. Also let's face it, that Dear Mr. President song hasn't exactly achieved a whole lot either. I do, however, find Pink's idealism very sweet and I wish more people were like her because at least she's trying...

Rumors once again abound that The Smiths are on the verge of an unlikely comeback, with next year's Coachella Festival being touted as the likely site of their first gig in over two decades. Sources near the band claim that they are "closer than ever" to a reunion, with promoters of the Californian music festival reportedly offering them "ludicrous money" for a one-off gig. Given the fact that Morrissey and Marr turned down an offer of almost five million dollars to reform for Coachella in 2006, I'm guessing that the phrase "ludicrous money" in this case means a little more than bus fare and a bag of clothes pegs...

Former Dead Or Alive singer Pete Burns, has launched a lawsuit against a cosmetic surgeon, whom he claims botched up a series of lip injections. The You Spin Me Right Round singer is allegedly suing Dr. Maurizio Viel for a seven figure sum because he claims the injections have made him look repulsive. Given the fact that Burns has had a multitude of nose jobs, cheek implants, boob implants and also admitted on a BBC talk show that he often had sex with animals "for fun", I would imagine that trout-pout lips are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to addressing his problems...

Kooks main-man, Luke Pritchard, informed the press last week that he is set to star in an upcoming horror B-movie, which is due to begin filming in the coming weeks. The singer says that he is attempting to get away from music for a while, stating: "I felt like we were rammed down the British public's throats for so long I really think we need a long period of time away." Given how annoying Pritchard is and how poor their last album was, I wouldn't miss any sleep if this hiatus became permanent. Pritchard claims that the as-yet-untitled movie is "really cheesy" so he should be perfect for the part...

Speaking of career changes, Coldplay's Jonny Buckland, revealed in an interview last week that while he loves his life in music, his first love has always been soccer, and specifically Tottenham Hotspur Football Club. The guitarist claimed: "I wanted to be in a band from age 11, but I wanted to be a footballer from the age of five. But there's still time!" Given the fact that Spurs just fired their manager, remain rooted at the bottom of the Premiership and have yet to win a league game this season, I'd imagine that he might get a game with them if he showed up on any given Saturday...

In a story that we reported on a short time ago, a missing wax replica of Paul McCartney's head has been found after it went awol upon being left on a London train by an auctioneer, almost two weeks ago. In an ending that you literally could not make up, the head was found by homeless man, Tony Silva, who found the Macca head in a train station in Reading. The 45-year-old claims that he only read about the missing head when he browsed through the articles in one of the newspapers that he was using as a blanket, and he has already been given a reward worth almost $4,000. The head will go to auction next week and is expected to fetch far more than its original estimate of $9,000-$20,000, as a result of its travels. All's well that end's well and $4,000 will buy a whole lot of cheap vodka and Colt 45. It's also not the first time that a tramp has made a lot of money from Paul McCartney, if you catch my drift.