Justice: The Irish Way

By Charley Brady

Yet I do believe in justice. Sounds crazy to use a word like justice in these most unpleasant of times, but I'll say it anyway. Justice.

The case on Derek O'Toole has now been officially closed. He was lying in the road - yes, I know - when he was ploughed through by four policemen.

Now, this didn't happen in some boreen in the back of the beyond.

It happened in Lucan in County Dublin. Oh yes, did I forget to mention that the policeman who drove over Mr. O'Toole has gone on record as saying that he himself had drank three pints of Guinness and two beers that night?

Well, there you go. Maybe his cop friends in the back seat would be willing to shed light on it, but I don't intend to hold my breath.

Perhaps if I had some Scuba-diving gear but even then I'm pretty sure it would see me surfacing exactly nowhere.

Now the nearest station that Policeman Damien Carey should have been taken to for testing on his alcohol level is Blanchardstown, but no. That would make too much sense.

Instead he's taken to Harcourt Terrace in the centre of Dublin. In fact, according to the police report he was released into the custody of his uncle - who, guess what? - just happens to be Superindent Kevin Carey.

Seriously, is that yet another winged monkey flying past my window?

There's just so many of them around these days.

Why was Damien Corey released into the custody of his uncle the Superindent anyway?

Well, according to the police report: "His uncle was there to give him a lift home, that was that. Anyone is entitled to have whoever they want in that regard".

Now I know I can be a bit dim at times but even I can see that it's just a little strange that a man who is picked up on suspicion of drunk driving, admits to having a large amount of booze in him, is then breathalysed and found to be below the legal limit and no charges brought. No case to be answered. Odd?

What is the legal limit these days? I thought it was one unit but perhaps I skipped something: Perhaps the legal limit is if you have skulled down your throat the combined efforts of Oliver Reed, Peter Cook and Keith Moon.

One of the more despicable 'leaks' that came out of this is that Mr. O'Toole was 'known to the police'.

Even a cursory look at the case shows that he had no criminal record whatsoever. In fact he was an unfortunate man who was battling leukaemia.

Anyway, there was never a full investigation into this man's death as there were no grounds to continue.

Well, after all, it was four off-duty policemen in the car.

Case Closed.

Good news for a change! Bono, he of the 'I want to dress like Fidel Castro all the time and by the way, give me all that you earn so I can send it to Africa' fame is finally being copped on to by the people of Ireland.

I've been writing about this jumped-up little chancer in various publications for years now but I'm indebted to Warren Swords of the Irish Daily Mail for this concise piece, which deserves to be quoted in full.

"Bono was last night accused of being a hypocrite for demanding the Government increase overseas aid while continuing to personally benefit from tax avoidance schemes."

Green TD Paul Gogarty urged Bono to end his company's tax base in the Netherlands and pay his share in Ireland.

The singer and his U2 bandmates transferred many of their company interests to Holland in August 2006 after Brian Cowen, then minister for finance, capped the artists' tax break at €250, 000.

In Holland, the band -which earned an estimated €79m in 2005 alone - pays virtually no tax on royalties.

Speaking in New York last week Bono appealed to the Government to stick to its promise of allocating 0.7 pc of GDP to foreign aid despite the economic climate

But Mr. Gogarty said Bono's call was 'hypocritical' when the singer went to great lengths to avoid paying tax in Ireland: "If you want to make sure that the overseas development budget continues to rise, U2's royalties coming back to Ireland would help", he said.

Labour finance spokeswoman Joan Burton echoed Mr. Gogarty's stance. She said: "I support Ireland having a generous aid programme. But aid is paid for by taxpayers and that ought to include Bono."

Now, do I believe for a second that the sainted Bono will make a sacrifice that means that he part with a shekel of his own money?

I can only say is that yet another winged monkey that just flew past my window? Fine Gael's leader Enda Kenny at least made the symbolic gesture this week of taking a self-imposed pay cut of 5%.

It may just be symbolic but at least it's a well-intentioned start.

You'll be waiting for a cold day in Hades before you see Fidel Bono doing the same.

And talking of odious creeps...

Look, America, I know that I thanked you publicly for taking the ghastly Victoria Beckham off our hands but did you have to send back in return from New York the equally abhorrent John Ryan, ex-publisher (since it went down the tubes) of New York Dog.

Now, we in Ireland have to look at his perma-tanned grinning visage all over again.

Ex-staff members at Gatsby Publishing say that he owes them months of back pay and indeed, including the IRS, owes debts of well over $100,000 to the US.

In Dublin's famous Shelbourne Hotel, where he used to swan into on far too regular a basis for the sanity of the ordinary drinker he is well remembered for his ignorant clicking of the fingers to anyone that he deemed beneath him.

On one memorable occasion he doubled-clicked his fingers only to have the barman turn to his colleague and say: "Make bloody sure that [expletive deleted] waits forever to get a drink."

So now he's back. Couldn't you have sent over gorgeous Mexican actress Salma Hayek instead? But no, it had to be 'I'm so wonderful that my sweat smells of Calvin Klein' John Ryan.

Speaking of the many- times failed magazine publisher, Simone Hedrington who was the former office manager at Gatsby (and God, how perfect that he would choose that name) said: "I worked for four months and I never got paid.

"They owe me around $7,600. Other people are owed pay. It's so unfair.

"We can either go to court or settle outside the court but we want the money that we are owed.

"The lawyer said there was no point [in taking him to court] as he couldn't be found and we couldn't even serve papers on him.

"I found it hard to get a job after that; I had to move out of my apartment because I couldn't pay the rent."

Janice Ridge, an advertising executive with over 15 years' experience went on to say that the whole experience had ruined her life and she is ready to go to court against the loveable Mr. Ryan.

So here's the deal, New York. Most of us here don't want to know this character.

If you can promise never to send the likes of Paris Hilton or anyone related to her or have even just said "hello" to her I know of quite a few people that would, in return, be delighted to arrange passage for him back to New York.

Another condition: You keep him there.

Also, can you take Peaches Geldof? This insulting, sulking little brat came over here this week, was paid €4,000 for a five minute stint at a place I refuse to name since they hired her in the first place, and then threw a hissy fit when photographers - Shock! Horror! - wanted to photograph her, giving them the finger, strutting off with a face like curdled milk and telling them that they were a bunch of paodophiles.

What a charming young lady she is.

What is she exactly famous for anyway?

Oh, sorry. I forgot. She has a dad who hangs out with a tax- dodger called Bono. His name is Bob Geldof. Pity he wouldn't spend as much time teaching manners to his daughter than he does in lecturing the rest of us.

See you all next week.

Same bat-time! Same bat-channel!