Joe Kavanagh's Music News

The biggest music story in Europe is currently the same one that is dominating the headlines in the US, with the imminent divorce of Madonna and Guy Ritchie generating hundreds of headlines and, it seems, a rising amount of animosity, as both parties become increasingly belligerent with each other. The underlying acrimony broke into open hostilities when Madonna appeared to have a pop at her soon-to-be ex during a gig in Boston last week. Speaking to the crowd, Madge claimed: "This song is for the emotionally retarded. Maybe you know some people who fall into that category. I know I do." Ritchie's camp took umbrage at the remark, with his father immediately jumping to his son's defense, asserting that Madonna is a "beastly" person who has made his son's life incredibly difficult during their eight year marriage. Then stories magically emerged in the tabloid's claiming that the Material Girl goes to bed each night covered in $800 crème and wrapped in plastic. These sources also maintained that Madonna would not allow dairy products at the dinner table and only permitted her husband to eat red meat on very rare occasions, but even then would storm out of the room in a huff at the sight of it. Madonna's camp were quick to respond, alleging that Ritchie told her that she looked like a "granny", which damaged her self-esteem. Personally I don't think she looks like a granny, so much as a cross-dressing welterweight boxer but there you go. Madonna's brother, Christopher Ciccone also fired off salvos in her defense while telling an interviewer for German newspaper, Bild: "He (Ritchie) is not the easiest guy to get along with. We don't really see eye to eye. I really have no idea what my sister loved about him. I suppose I could have tried to stop her. Guy was the first who couldn't bear how close Madonna and I were." Strange that, because I could have sworn that this was the same brother who is routinely described as "estranged" from his sister and recently penned a tell-all book titled, 'Life With My Sister Madonna', where he referred to her as "control freak," "narcissist", and "cheapskate", among other things. This is going to make Paul McCartney's divorce proceedings look like a renewal of vows...

Speaking of Macca, or rather his head to be specific, the former Beatle's name was in the news after an auctioneer lost a waxwork model of McCartney's head on a London train. Joby Carters left the model head on a train last week and is now offering a reward of almost $3,500 for it's safe return. Carters says that the head was due to be auctioned off next week and claimed: "It is so unprofessional and the owner is not best pleased, I've just got to find out where it has gone. I just hope it hasn't gone on a magical mystery tour!" If that's the kind of cheesy chat that the head had to listen to then I wouldn't be at all surprised if it sprouted legs and ran off...

While we're on the subject of former-Beatles, Ringo Starr gave the appearance of a man whose head is made entirely of wax last week, when he posted a bizarre and supremely condescending video on his website, telling fans that he would essentially throw all future fan mail in the garbage without even opening it. In his pompous rant, Ringo stated: "This is a serious message to everybody watching my update. Peace and love. Peace and love. I want to tell you after the 20th of October please do not send fan mail to any address you have. Nothing will be signed after the 20th of October. If that is the date on the envelope, it's gonna be tossed. I'm warning you with peace and love, I have too much to do. So no more fan mail. Thank you, thank you. And no objects to be signed. Nothing. Anyway, peace and love, peace and love." Too much to do? Like what? It's certainly not anything that involves playing, writing decent tunes or selling records because he could probably tend to all those duties in ten minutes. Ringo hasn't had a thing to do since the break up of the Beatles and, quite frankly, he had very little to do even when he was with the group. He later attempted to clarify himself, after the backlash of course, saying that he did not mean "real fans" and that people should not be sending him so much paper things to sign, given the ongoing troubles with the environment, or some such nonsense. Ringo's rant just goes to reinforce the notion that drummers are the blondes of the music world...

As further proof of why drummers should not be allowed near microphones, I give you Stephen Morrison of Scottish band, The View, who launched his own tirade last week, at the Kings Of Leon, while speaking to UK website, gigwise.com. Talking of the Kings Of Leon's latest multi-million selling album, Morrison claimed: "That new Kings Of Leon album is s**te. As soon as he cut his hair or something, he can get to f**k. It's f**kin' b*****ks man, average." That rather oafish sound-byte might come back to haunt him one day and considering the fact that The View have had one album, which contained two decent tunes (one of which was a glorified cover of U2's Angel Of Harlem), Morrison is not really in the position to throw stones. To each his own though, I suppose, but I would imagine that he's pretty much put the kibosh on ever supporting Kings Of Leon...

This year's concert at the legendary Slane Castle, Co. Meath, will be headlined by Oasis with tickets going on sale this week. The band already played the 100,000-capacity natural amphitheatre when they served as support for REM in 1995. Oasis are also enjoying their best chart success in the US in over a decade, with their latest album, Dig Out Your Soul, debuting at #5 in the Billboard album charts. I would imagine that Noel Gallagher's feud with Jay Z was responsible for quite a few of those sales, offering further evidence that there really is no such thing as bad publicity...

In one of the more bizarre stories emanating from the music world last week, heavy metal band Iron Maiden's iconic symbol, Eddie, now finds himself in the middle of a political debate in Spain. The Basque people have long laid claim to the territory of Navarre, in northern Spain, despite its mixed ethnicity and some locals are tired of seeing Basque flags being prominently displayed in the area, so they have adopted Eddie as their own symbol. Speaking to the Guardian newspaper last week, Socialist leader, Jose Luis Uriz, claimed that he and supporters from all over the political spectrum have no wish to be part of a Basque entity, so they have decided that Eddie will adorn their own flag. Uriz maintains: "The Iron Maiden flag means a lot to me. If I have to put up with their flag, they'll have to put up with Eddie's face." Surely they could have found something a little prettier than a half-dead zombie with a bloodlust. Mind you, I haven't been there so it's possible they got it right...

Poor Melanie Brown, last week was not a particularly good one for the former Spice Girl, as she was accosted by a crazed man while passing through London's Heathrow Airport. The incident, which was captured on video, resulted in the arrest of a 22-year-old man for threatening behavior. If that wasn't bad enough then Scary Spice also was rushed from a rehearsal for the MOBO Awards when she temporarily lost her vision and believed that she was going blind. Doctors assured her that it was only a temporary problem but the same thing happens to me every time I see Celine Dion's face but I think that's some kind of a deep-seated self-protective measure...

I also read last week that the UK's Brit Awards are considering handing Simon Cowell the prize for Outstanding Contribution to Music, which surely must be a hoax. What's next, a Booker prize for Geri Halliwell or the Nobel Peace Prize for George W Bush? Heck we could even give Madonna a belated Oscar for her turn in Swept Away. I'm out like a celebrity whose career has hit the skids.