Joe Kavanagh's Music News

Ronnie Wood was due to enter a rehab clinic in the UK today, after a particularly ugly meltdown that has seen his name splashed sensationally across the tabloids for much of the past week. The Rolling Stones' guitarist, and admitted alcoholic, has reportedly begun an affair with 18-year-old Russian cocktail waitress, Ekaterina Ivanova, who is allegedly now living the 61-year-old star in his Irish mansion. Woods first met Ivanova at a London bar after the premier of Martin Scorcese's film, Shine A Light; a documentary chronicling the story of the 'Stones. The guitarist's wife of 23 years and the woman with whom he has three children, Jo Wood, claimed in the media that her husband is out of control, with reports saying that he has been drinking at least two bottles of vodka per day. Curiously, Jo Woods also claimed that she knew that Ivanova was staying at the couple's Kildare mansion but said that she was only there to keep Ronnie company while he works on his paintings and that there was no sexual dimension to the relationship. I don't even think the late-great Richard Pryor would've had the nerve to try that excuse, and he was once caught in bed with another woman only to famously say to his wife: "Who are you going to believe baby, me or your own damn lying eyes?" According to reports, Ivanova has been calling her friends and telling them that she and Woods are deeply in love, even as other members of the band call him in an effort to get him to see the error of his ways. At the time of going to press, it has been reported that the media sensation/scandal generated by the incident appears to have shocked Woods out of his drunken haze and he vowed to enter rehab for the sixth time in almost as many years. I really hope he sorts it out because if Ron Woods thinks that his young love (who has a penchant for being photographed in her underwear) would have anything to do with his near-pensioner ass if he were Ron Woods the plumber, or Ron Woods the goat-herder, then he must be hitting the crack-pipe too...

Former Blur/Gorillaz frontman, Damon Albarn has joined the small but growing chorus of people that are skeptical of Bono and Bob Geldof's approach to the litany of problems plaguing Africa. Speaking to the media last week, Albarn posited: "Their hearts are in the right place, but I can't help but think they've separated the continent even further away from us. It's just not the right message to be sending out - loads of wealthy rock stars on stages with images of dying children as a backdrop." I would have to agree that Bono and Bob have saved more than a few lives in Africa but we are all in big trouble when we are relying on rock stars with inflated senses of their own self-importance to solve the problems of the world. Both of these lads could probably power Africa for an entire year with the hot air that comes out of their mouths. It's like the old joke: what's the difference between God and Bono? God doesn't think he's Bono...

Speaking of celebrities playing politics, Lily Allen has lent her voice to the increasingly frantic debate in the UK regarding how to tackle the growing threat of knife crime. On the same day that four people were stabbed to death in separate attacks, Allen announced that she will be calling on all of her musician friends because she intends to stage a concert in London later this year, aimed at raising awareness on the issue among young people and politicians. Bungling mayor of London, Boris Johnson, heaped praise on Allen's commitment, saying: "Tackling the horrific spate of knife crime in London is my top priority. I am greatly encouraged to hear that Lily Allen, who has a tremendous young fan base, is speaking out against violence and wants to do something positive." If I were a gambling man, I would put my money on Allen getting the jump on Johnson when it comes to actually doing something...

Another curious voice joined the debate on the seeming epidemic of fatal stabbings that has gripped Britain, in the form of one Busta Rhymes, who claimed that he intends to do his best to stamp out knife crime in the UK. Rhymes (real name: Trevor Smith), will perform in London's famous, Royal Albert Hall, this coming September and the rapper told UK tabloid, The Star: "I want to do something productive that will help convince kids on both sides of the Atlantic to stop killing each other. We are seeing a generation of children who are lost and in need of support. Their families are breaking down around them. They're turning to gangs and violence. We need to tell them that is not the right answer." Laudable sentiments indeed but is this the same unrepentant Busta Rhymes that has been arrested multiple times for assault (once cracking a champagne bottle over someone's head), who has been charged with carrying concealed weapons, arrested for drunk driving and was even once found with a machete hidden in his vehicle? This is the guy who is going to preach to kids about knife crime? Why don't we get Britney Spears to counsel teen mothers, or Paris Hilton to give a lecture series on how to be respected for your mind? Heck, while we're at it we might as well get Andrew Luster out of pokey to pass out his tips for successful speed-dating. ("If the Rolls-Royce doesn't work then the Rohypnol will, and always bring a camera to catch those special moments")...

The Sex Pistols may be impressing pundits and critics alike while out on their current reunion tour but 60s singer, Sandie Shaw, is certainly no fan of Johnny Rotten. The Puppet On A String singer was present at the recently held Mojo Awards, where she saw the Sex Pistols frontman give a profanity-laced speech when accepting the Icon Award on behalf of his band mates. Shaw was utterly nonplussed, saying: "The biggest gaffe of the evening was by Johnny Rotten. He has turned into a very odd caricature of his former Sex Pistols self. When given his award he insulted and swore at everyone present. While this may have gone down well during the punk era, it is out of step with these pragmatic times. Some things just don't age well." Much as it pains me to admit, Johnny's act is getting a little bit stale and it's okay not to be the same person at 50-years-old that you were 30 years beforehand. In fact, it's usually considered progress...

Last week it emerged that, while they are not reforming any time soon, most of the members of Abba were involved in some capacity with the creation of the recently released smash hit movie: Mamma Mia. In addition to their presence in a consulting capacity, some sources reported that band member Benny Andersson was given full veto over the choice of actors for all the major parts, and he even sat in on some of the auditioning process. Either they picked the wrong member for the vetting process or Benny must have treated it like a Westie-style no-show job, because how else to explain the decision to include Pierce Brosnan. Was William Shatner not free? Seriously, Pierce Brosnan is to singing what I am to the world of biomolecular science. Not that I've even seen it or anything, naturally. I'll leave the last word on the matter to the Limerick-born comedian, Jimmy Carr: "In case some of you out there haven't seen Mamma Mia yet, I don't want to ruin it for you but it's s**t!"