A Moveable Feast

As Brendan Behan was given to saying: "The weather's so changeable you wouldn't know what to be pawning."

Living through the changeable political weather of the past week I have something of an inkling as to how he felt.

In fact I'm taking a chance in writing this column on Sunday morning, June 22nd: by the time you read it, it may be hopelessly out of date.

Will we have to vote again? Or won't we? At the moment, who knows?

Let's see...

To start in the immediate aftermath of the Lisbon Treaty and the collapse of the "Yes" vote: Our Leader Brian Cowen stepped heroically and stoically forward to give us his view.

Now when I say our Leader I do of course mean that he is our Leader by default.

When Taoiseach Bertie Ahern realised that no amount of waffle would make sense of his strange financial arrangements and that he was soon to be ex-Taoiseach, as too many people were rolling in the aisles at his explanations, then there was a job vacancy created.

Unfortunately, with the hospital service going down the tubes and the building and property boom facing the end, to name but three things, there wasn't exactly a mile-long queue to grab this poisoned chalice.

Instead it was down to our Brian to selflessly put himself in the firing line.

So when I say our Leader I don't mean the Leader who was there when Fianna Fáil was voted back into power on the back of empty promises, I mean the new one. The one who wasn't elected to the job.

With me? I digress: Up stepped our Brian in the hush that followed Ireland's rejection of the Treaty (a hush that soon turned into a roar throughout Europe) and spake he thus: "I respect the will of the Irish people."

Approximately one hour later, when asked if a second referendum might be on the cards he replied that he wasn't ruling anything out.

So much for respecting a democratic decision. I mean, this is Fianna Fáil so we gullible eejits are well used to their U- turns, but an HOUR? That has to be some sort of cynical land- speed record!

Look, we're aware that you hold the electorate in contempt. That's why we didn't believe a word you said and made a point of turning out to let you know that it's now a mutual feeling.

We've known where we stand since being forced to vote again in the Nice Treaty. And if that hadn't gone through we would have just had to do it again until we got with the program and gave you the right answer.

We understand you and your European masters. As a matter of fact it doesn't take much imagination to see you sitting there, stroking your chins and muttering: "That Mugabe fella. We all agree that he's evil and all that, but he does have the right idea when it comes to the vote, don't you agree?"

I would love to know exactly what went on when Brian Cowen met with his European peers a few days ago.

As our representative I trust that he took no nonsense and let them know that 'NO' was the will of his employers.

After all, he is pulling in €277,000 a year from us before expenses (although at least he's not availing of the make-up budget that Bertie set himself, a rather nice €25,000 per annum) and in a land where the Dáil only sits for 91 days of the year while trotting off for three lovely months holiday during the summer.

Ah, but bless them, they deserve it for... uh, whatever it is they do. Still, it makes you wonder: they fold away their holiday brochures on the 3rd of July and that's them gone until the end of September - YET THE COUNTRY STILL KEEPS GOING! How does that work exactly?

What we do know is that we are going to be given some time to consider our options (funny, I thought we had already voted).

After speaking to - or more likely listening to - the European Commission President, our Brian spake once more: "President Barroso said he would fully support the request that Ireland be given time to decide how to react and to come forward with proposals on the next steps." Huh?

First we get the iron fist in the velvet glove. Next thing you know we'll be getting the 'good cop, bad cop' routine.

From talking to other 'No' voters, they are not averse to changing key points in the Treaty that caused problems in the first place.

However, a renegotiation has been ruled out by Europe so are we just to go about voting on the same bloody Treaty again?

In the middle of all this fudge and confusion one guess is as good as another.

However, while we're on the topic of things that upset voters against the Treaty, may I distance myself on this occasion and say quite plainly that the neutrality issue is a load of nonsense in my opinion.

In this dangerous world NO COUNTRY IS NEUTRAL.

Certainly Ireland hasn't been neutral since the day we decided to allow American troops and planes en route to Iraq to land in Shannon for re-fuelling. And let me also say bluntly that despite my loathing of that wasteful, pointless and illegal war I would never see these troops turned away.

Nor are we, nor can we, be neutral in Chad where brave Irish soldiers now risk their lives in a peacekeeping mission. Sorry, it's actually a peace- enforcement mission and this is the point where I realise that if I go into the difference between the two then I''ll end up as crazy as the bureaucrats.

I'd like also to comment on the idea being thrown at us that all of Europe is cheesed off at the Irish.

Not judging by the people I've talked to, they're not. Oh yes, maybe their governments would like to garrotte and fillet us, but the government's employers? I don't think so.

Certainly the people of France and the Netherlands are happy and why not, given that they rejected it under its old title?

The Austrian press took a two- page spread to thank us for standing up, small little nation that we are, to vote as we felt appropriate; and there are many more.

And don't tell me that French leader Nicolas Sarkozy isn't quietly pleased for one reason, even though he can't say so.

After all, he was in a bit of a hole with the plans for European Union company tax harmonisation.

It didn't have a chance because it needed a unanimous agreement and too many states were opposed to it.

Now, thanks to the 'No'' it can be dropped. When he becomes EU President next month, though, Mr. Sarkozy will be in Ireland to help us make the right decision next time.

Lord, can you just imagine the toadying that will be going on - from our ministers, that is?

From having been in Carcassone and the magnificent Languedoc region of France twice in the last few months I would advise him to look after his own employers first.

The French people don't seem to be too happy with him. As a matter of fact I think they see him as better known for marrying a supermodel five minutes after meeting her and just generally embarrassing them

Kudos though to Ireland's EU Commissioner Charlie McCreevy (the man who said that we would have to be "insane" to have read the Treaty) who commented this week: "It was clearly understood that this treaty had to be ratified by all 27 member states. The basis of the European project has been that nobody is bullied and Ireland will not be bullied... I somehow suspect that if any other member sate of the EU had to put it before the people, that the result would be the same."

Exactly. They would also vote 'No' and that's why they are not being given the choice.

If even one of them stands up and asks: "Why the Hell are we not getting a say?" then Ireland will have done a favour for all of Europe.