Joe Kavanagh's Music News

It appears that reports of convicted child molester, Gary Glitter's heart attack were just wishful thinking on the part of some segments of the world's media last week, after a doctor at his Vietnamese prison revealed that the singer was in fact suffering from an irregular heartbeat and an old fashioned dose of galloping diarrhea. The shamed singer, who was convicted of committing lewd acts with two children, was rushed to hospital last week with chest - and presumably booty - pains, but has now been returned to his prison cell where he will reside until his scheduled release in August of next year, which is not half long enough in my humble opinion. Ironic that he should be suffering from diarrhea, given the fact that his name has become rhyming slang for another word for toilet...

Irish boy band, or man band now I guess, Boyzone has enlisted the help of Christian Bale's personal trainer in order to whip them into shape for their upcoming reunion tour. According to member, Mikey Graham, "Yes, some of us have put on a few pounds over the past eight years. We know what we're up against with the likes of Take That back touring. But we're going to be trim and slim and we want to be bigger and better than before. I've been with the lads this afternoon and everything is going great. Of course things are different - it's slowly morphing into a new thing as we're men now, not boys." Personally, I couldn't care if they enlisted the help of Christian Bale's personal trainer, Whitney Houston's vocal coach and the cast of the Chicago, they're still going to be utter s**te...

Speaking of utter s**te, I read where the Spice Girls came out in the media last week urging George Clooney to break up with his current girlfriend, in order to go on a date with Ginger Spice a.k.a. Gerry Halliwell. In all seriousness, do they honestly think that one of the world's most eligible bachelors would break up with his beautiful girlfriend in order to go out with a Spice Girl? And the ginger one at that. Actually, that reminds me of a joke I heard during the week. What's the difference between a brick and a ginger haired person? At least a brick has a chance of getting laid. But I digress...

Critically acclaimed Irish singer, RoisÌn Murphy will make a little piece of music history next month when she becomes the first artist to ever perform live at the Elle Awards. The 11th edition of the annual awards celebrate achievement in the world of fashion, television and music...

There may be enough Radiohead fans in the world to make the band's latest album, In Ribbons, number one in album charts throughout the globe, but Robert Plant is certainly not among them. The Led Zeppelin legend was in a bar in Camden, London, last week when one of the Oxford band's tracks came on the jukebox and he was overheard by many of those on hand to loudly remark: "whining crap"...

Kelly Osbourne was in the media again last week prattling on about how her weight loss is not an issue at all and berating some people for how they judge her differently since she lost over 20 pounds. The sometime "singer" said: "I don't like how everyone likes me because I've lost two stone (24 pounds). Why was I a bitch before? Because I was fat?" If it's any consolation Kelly, I still think you're a bitch and I can honestly say that I have never heard someone who keeps saying their weight loss is not an issue make such an issue of their weight loss...

Avril Lavigne claimed that she has learned all of the lyrics to her hit, Girlfriend, in Japanese, as a tribute to the fans that have made her the biggest Western star in east Asia. Pretty impressive but maybe someone should tell her that there are a couple more languages over that neck of the woods and I would be even more impressed if she could learn how to sing it in silence. But that's just me...

Blur's Alex James is currently filming a documentary for the BBC investigating the impact of cocaine in Colombia, after famously remarking in the past that he had spent over two million dollars on cocaine and champagne. It never ceases to amaze me how some rock stars feel it's their right to preach after the fact, and I think Lou Reed put it best in his song Straw Man: "Does anybody need another self-righteous rock singer whose nose he says has led him straight to God?"...

Representatives for sometime football player and full time empty suit, David Beckham, have spoken out in the press, denying that he is set to collaborate with rapper, Snoop Dogg, on an upcoming track. Phew, thank goodness for that, the guy has a hard enough time speaking not to mind rapping...

Superb indie band, Super Furry Animals, remain at the very cutting edge of innovation with word that the set for their current US tour will be chosen entirely by the fans. Acolytes of the band need only log on to the band's website and select the tracks that they want to hear and the band will check the website each night before their performance. Why am I suddenly overwhelmed with the urge to log on and type, "Play Freebird" 17,000 times?